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Creating Selfless Valentine Traditions

Since I was a little girl, I learned to love Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day meant cheesecake, heart shaped cookies, and crafts with ribbons, paper doilies and lace. I don’t remember my parents always escaping alone for a date on the day. Very often it was a family celebration and we invited grandparents and friends to join us in eating cheesecake.

A few days before Valentine’s Day, my mother made the habit of setting all of us up at a table covered with stickers, glue, and red and pink paper. We spent time making Valentine’s Cards for our siblings, parents, and anyone who would be alone…widows, unmarried, and divorced friends and kin. Then she would mail them off. It wasn’t until I was in college, that I realized many people saw Valentines’s Day as “Single Awareness Day” and I had many friends who wore black because they were single and hurting. It was then that what my mother did, struck me as something truly special.

So, I continued the tradition and tried to reach out to lonely people I knew around the heart shaped holiday. As I married and had children, my children now create Valentine’s Cards to share with others…even strangers we cross during our grocery shopping trips. When my children were really small, they made stacks…and handed them out to everyone at church. Now, I mail the child created Valentines off to various souls, give them away to neighbors and friends at church and we still have more than we need.

More than we need…

Just like the love our heavenly Father has poured out on us overflows our cup of need, so I like to share His love with neighbors and friends who could use a little extra love this month as they may feel a little extra lonely.

Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture. Whether it is the sweet little lady we brush carts with in the grocery store, or the young mother carrying her new baby in a wrap close to her chest. Everyone struggles with feeling alone. Perhaps a little paper heart, or a chocolate cupcake and note helps can help those struggling hearts see a bit of the endless love poured out on us. February the 14th can be an incredible excuse to share a bit of the love that has been shown to me by my Savior. Because truly, I have more than I need.

The Lord appeared to him[a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jer. 31:3

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Some Liver with My Butter

Calf liver is pretty high on my list when it comes to nutrient density. It is loaded with vitamins and minerals.

When I nursed my babies, if my milk needed a boost, liver, was my go to source. Liver not only increased my milk supply, but gave my milk a buttery yellow color. I found I had more cream on top as well.

I serve my children calf liver for lunch, about once a month. Despite it’s strong taste, I have never had a major issue getting them to eat it. A favorite? Probably not. But for children, it is a very tender meat to chew and they are still developing tastes for things, so it is a taste to which they becoming accostome.

As a child my mom would cut liver into strips, roll it in cornmeal or flour and fry it in butter. We then would dip our liver in generous amounts of ketchup…shivering as we swallowed.

A dear motherly friend of mine from the former Yugoslavia taught me to soak liver a 6-24 hours in milk before cooking it.

That little trick makes a big difference in reducing the bitterness of the meat. So now, when I bring a package of liver home from the store, I usually open it up, and put it in a ziplock bag with some milk. After a day in the fridge, I drain the milk, potion out the liver for lunches and pop it in freezer bags. So it is ready to cook for lunch.

When I want to serve liver to my children, I put a pack of meat in the fridge first thing in the morning. By lunch, the liver has thawed, but not completly, making it the perfect consistancy to cut into strips. Then I fry the liver for about 7-10 minutes, in nearly a half stick of butter. I turn the meat a bit while it cooks to insure it is cooked on all sides. A bit of salt, and the meat is plated with some veggies.

When shopping for liver, it is also important not to confuse calves’ liver and cows’ liver. Liver from a calf is much more mild than an organ from a full grown creature.

Liver is a very inexpensive cut of meat and makes an easy to include for a nutritious lunch.

I like to serve liver in the winter. Served with a side of homemade saurkraut and broccoli that has been drenched in the same butter with a bit of salt and garlic makes an excellent immunity boost for my little people.

A serving of liver is so nutrient dense it is a complete multivitamin. And truly, it does not deserve the bad report. It can be cooked to be something delicious!

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Entering into Grief

With tears running down my cheeks, I sent out a couple quick texts to a few friends. I was bleeding… I had just lost our fourth baby. I didn’t know how to think. I was raw. One friend texted back the polite, and common response…”I am sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

My response in turn… “No, just pray. Thank you.”

But in reality, there was something they could do I just didn’t know what it was.

Then another friend texted: “I am on my way over.” I hadn’t invited her, but she was coming. I wasn’t going to tell her not to come.

A few minutes later, I was sobbing in my friend’s arms. She had even gotten to me first; before my husband could even come from work. She pulled out play-doh and sat down with my children while I made necessary phone calls to my doctor and parents.

Then another text, from another friend. “I am coming to watch your children. Go spend the afternoon out with your husband.”

As one dear friend stepped out the door, another stepped in. My husband came home, we went out for the afternoon. No treatment could have been better for us. I needed the space from my little children and a time to grieve alone with my husband. I was gifted that. I did not know it was even needed.

Then a phone call came while we were out, and another friend spent a few minutes on the phone and prayed with me. I could not speak due to my tears, but her prayer for comfort blessed my soul. I was feeling supported. I was not alone. I felt God close even in my pain. I know those first-responders were key in helping me think through my pain in a biblical way without bitterness and anger.

We arrived at home to find dinner made for our family, the dishes washed, and the children in good care. With a hug and prayer, my sweet friend slipped out the door after having her day completely altered for my behalf.

That evening, home, the children in bed, a church elder came by with his wife for ten minutes. They didn’t even sit down, but stood in our doorway and embraced us in prayer, and then quickly departed.

Sleep evaded me that night. It is hard to set aside mental pain for rest.

There was no knock, but when I went to check the mail the next morning, there on our doorstep was a very small bouquet of flowers and the sweetest note from another mother who had walked the same journey of loss. That was the only bouquet of flowers I got.

If my child had lived to be born, I might have had a few more, maybe even a plot and a stone. But, with a miscarriage, there is little that a mother has to remind herself of the treasure she once held inside of her. I pressed the flowers in the big family Bible where they are today. That is all I have to remember my baby. I have no pictures, no stories, no baby blanket…just empty hands and a bouquet of tiny pressed flowers.

Yes, even now, I am crying, and it has been several years ago. Such holes…never die, never fade, never heal…. we simply learn how to live with that emptiness and incorporate it into the person we are.

Grief… it is a hole, an emptiness inside. Grief is not always accompanied by death, but always by loss. The loss of a church family, the loss of a marriage, the loss of trust in a person, a broken friendship; the ache of a child who is alive, but no longer cares to be in touch; the permanent loss of health, the loss of a life-long dream…we all experience grief throughout our lives. We all understand it.

Why then, is it such a struggle for us to understand how to bless other people as they journey through grief? Or do we know how to bless, but find grieving people uncomfortable to be around? I have come to despise the statement: “Let me know if I can help.” It is a complete cop-out. Because, I believe we know how we should help. We are just reluctant to commit our hearts to the matter of helping. It is hard.

In response to “How can I help?” I have often heard the answer, “There is nothing you can do.” I have given that answer myself on many occasions. I have found it takes a discerning friend to know for sure if that is the case. Because I have found through seasons of grief, that very often, there is much that can be done, but the person grieving has no clue what that is! In the midst of grief it is hard to process the pain, much less the suddenly stupid tasks of life. It is important not only to have people close to us pick up the slack as we work through grief…clean, make food, care for children, yard-work, laundry, groceries, church, and work responsibilities. It is also valuable to simply show a face, give a prayer in person, and create a memory around the moment for the grieving heart to hold onto as time passes.

That weekend, a few days after my loss, I was at at church. One of my friends who knew of my heartbreak spoke nothing of my pain, no words of comfort, no prayer. She chatted with me as though nothing had happened that past week. Later, that same friend texted me to apologize for not talking about my mis-carriage. She let me know she was praying, but didn’t want to talk about it with me in case that was too hard for me. I learned a good lesson that day about what should never be done. One should never ignore the loss of a grieving person. Yes, it is going to hurt and possibly bring tears to discuss the subject. But by bringing up that loss, one is able to enter into that pain and be a part of the comfort. Even along hug without words would have sufficed. My friend completely stepped out of my grief by not acknowledging it to me. I had done the same to others in the past. My mistakes toward grieving hearts in my youth are many. Lesson Learned…Find ways to step into other’s grief. By not purposing to to step into it, you are stepping out of it.

Oh how frightened we are of saying the wrong thing and increasing a person’s grief; as a result excuse ourselves from the matter completly and make ourselfve unfit to minister to that grieving heart. I have failed in this area far too often. But lessons have been learned and I have allowed my own grief to be my teacher in such cases. I do not have to walk the same path of grief to offer support and encouragment to the grieving hearts I know. I only need to understand my own grief and step out to help them understand theirs. When I am told there is nothing that can be done, the cry of my own heart outweighs that answer. And instead I hear: “Help me please…I don’t know what to do.”

Oh sisters, Sometimes it isn’t a physical need that we are meeting, but an emotional need. The need to feel supported runs deep. As I have been loved through grief, I reach out to other grieving hearts.

  1. Be there
  2. Give a hug
  3. Write a note
  4. Flowers
  5. Food
  6. Talk about the loss
  7. Talk about the grief and pain
  8. Pray WITH the grieving person not just for
  9. Don’t have them reach out to you for help, because they won’t find ways to reach out to them with help
  10. Don’t wait for time to pass, act quickly. First responders to grief are crucial to helping a grieving heart work through the pain biblically

The point? Step boldly and quickly into the grief of others. Because when we don’t, that is when we cause pain.

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Why I Make My Own Brown Sugar

I will begin by stating that I have never used light brown sugar. Dark brown sugar is superior in taste, texture, and is a few more minerals than light brown sugar. Honestly, I was raised on the dark stuff and am pretty adament about its superiority in the world of sugar.

So, we moved across country almost four years ago. Up to that point, I purchased dark brown sugar reasonably at our grocery stores. Then I went to buy dark brown sugar in our new location. I found it expensive and difficult to find. So, I began to make my own.

It’s easy! Dark brown sugar has a high molasses content. I buy blackstrap molasses in large containers. To make dark brown sugar, all I do is mix about one a cup the blackstrap molasses into a three pounds of granulated sugar.

So often what is more expensive is simply paying for someone else to work instead of me. Regular table sugar is cheap compared to purchasing dark brown sugar. Blackstrap molasses is also on the cheap side, especially when purchased in bulk as I do.

Blackstrap molasses is rich in minerals and antioxidants. In fact, if a person is to use any form of sugar, blackstrap molasses is probably the most nutritios sugar available. Tablespoon to tablespoon, blackstrap even trumps raw honey in its wealth of antioxidants and minerals! The more blackstrap in my sugar, the more nutrients rich it is. I even like to go even a bit darker than what I can find at the store. Too much will make the molasses flavor overbearing, but I certainly go as dark as I can with each batch I mix.

Dark brown sugar contains moisture. When added to a recipe like cookies or brownies, instead of being dry, the result is a chewy, moist texture.

Dark brown sugar is key to making mysteriously flaverful baked goods. A recipe of Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookies becomes stunning when the dark sugar is added…home-made granola bars…blonde brownies…cakes…muffins…coffee cake…cinnamon rolls… Nothing store bought can compare with the flavor dark brown sugar brings to baked goods made from home.

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Cuddle Prayers

As each year of motherhood passes, I find myself challenged to pray more for my children. As a mother of four children, the youngest still being two, I find quiet time to prayer very difficult to schedule. I work in Bible study but for some reason I find it easier to drop and pick up a study in Scripture than a thought in prayer. As I have asked the Lord for wisdom about my need to spend more time in prayer for my children, I was expecting a revolutionary idea about how to fit an hour or two into my day for prayer. But instead, verses came to mind, convicting me about my inconsistent prayer life.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18  “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Colosians 4:2 “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The prophet, Daniel, has always pricked to my heart by his testimony of faithfulness in prayer. Daniel 6:10 “When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously.” Even the threat of death should not deter my heart from faithful devotion to prayer. Since my faith can be freely lived out, I certainly have no excuse NOT to pray with consistent faithfulness.

Prayer is not something to only set aside for moment of quiet, but to be a thread woven into every thought and event throughout the tapestry of every day. Prayer for my children can easily be incorporated as I interact with them throughout the day. I can pray not only for my children, but with them, during disciplinary moments, around school lessons, before bed, at mealtimes. 

As I have worked through these thoughts, I have found that snuggle moments are amazing opportunities to lift my children’s hearts to the Lord…my husband too! 

All of my children LOVE to cuddle. When they wake up in the morning, each one of them is hungry to curl up in a groggy stupor and sit with me for a bit until their brains get in gear. These moments are wonderful times for me silently whisper cries to God for drawing their little hearts to Himself. It also helps me as a mother to be reminded of the eternal purpose I have been given in mothering each of the dear little souls entrusted to me.

Throughout the day, I am provided with other moments of snuggling with my children, rocking my tot for nap time, holding an injured little girl until her hurt fades, taking a momentary break to squeeze one of my little girls before we begin reading lessons, a long hug after discipline, after a nap, or during times of illness…the day is full of such moments that I now use for prayer. 

As my children lay down their heads for sleep at night, another opportunity to snuggle arrives. I like to spend a moment with each child to chat, read, or simply snuggle. Sometimes we pray out-loud together, sometimes I pray out-loud for them, sometimes, a silent heartfelt prayer fills my soul. But I like to pray for each little one under my care before they fall to sleep.

So, yes, I have found snuggle prayers to be a day-altering habit for me. Prayer for my children helps me as a mother maintain an eternal focus. I also have found, that it is easy for me as a mother to feel like the burden of child-raising, home-schooling, health, is on my shoulders, and I NEED to fall into the arms of my Savior and “snuggle” with Him throughout the day. I can rest in Him completely to do what is best in my children’s lives, to give me wisdom as a mama, and to hold the burdens I feel I must carry as a mother. He, after all, loves my children far more than I do. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

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Reveling in Weakness Isn’t Reveling in Christ

“Pop!” An explosive sound came from the microwave behind me. I turned around in time to see my sister open the microwave door to a mess of scrambled egg and shells all over the inside of the microwave.

“What did you do?” I asked in wonderment.

“You said to put a whole egg in the microwave to cook it.” my sister responded.

I had not realized what an Amelia Bedelia she was in the kitchen! I assumed she would think to crack the egg into a bowl before putting it in the microwave. But I guess that didn’t occur naturally to her. So was the plight of my sister in the kitchen.

In general, my sister did not have a knack for home-making. She struggled figuring out recipes, and her personal touches in her baking and cooking, often ended up being more like science experiments gone wrong. She was sloppy, and unmotivated to clean or straighten up. My sister liked things neat, but was also at perfect peace in a space that was not neat. She could take a nap beside a pile of unfolded laundry without feeling any urgency to fold it for a few days. She and I both felt her homemaking future was dismal. She often told me that she knew it was not her gift. She accepted that. I accepted that. And so life went on.

My sister, went to Bible college, met, and married a man called to minister. She is now a pastor’s wife and mother of three. Due to her husband’s work, my sister’s world is full of hospitality, food, and an ever revolving door to her home. Her husband, like most pastors, is a busy, stressed, and always on-call. He relies heavily on his wife to manage the home and prepare food for the family and ever present guests.

A few years ago, my sister chatted with me on the phone and made the comment that she was convicted by her pride in her lack of skill cooking and home-making! I was taken back by her comment because I didn’t see pride in her Ramen noodle dinners.

“Oh yes!” She she said. She had been in a conversation with some ladies and realized they were all reveling in the fact they could not cook. They were enjoying making fun of their shortcomings. She realized, she enjoyed flaunting her inability to cook.

She assured me, that the humble thing to do, would be to seek home-making help and learn how to bake, cook, clean, grocery shop, and manage her household better. She saw that she would be able increase her ability to minister to her husband, family, and others if if she could improve herself. So she read books, asked advice, and became a humble learner.

Through her testimony, I see the gospel. The gospel is a poor, destitute, human, who, not only sees the failures and sin of his or her heart, but seeks help from the Savior to redeem and sanctify. The gospel, is realizing one’s complete inability to change and embracing Christ, the ONLY ONE who can bring forgiveness and a changed heart.

It takes a humble person to ask for help. I find it easy to make light of the areas I fail, and sadly, I can even consider the acceptance of my shortcomings virtuous. Reveling in my inabilities is not a virtue. Pride blinds me to areas I need to change in my life, if I can get past the pride to see my need of change, then even more humbling, I need to seek help from the Lord and other believers in my inability to bring about growth in my life in areas I am weak.

Yes, flaws, sin, in-capabilities are part of who we are as human. But the gospel is where we find freedom. In Christ, there is forgiveness of sins, power to change, and even direction on how to get from here to someone who can better glorify God. As women, God not only provides the Holy Spirit, Scripture, husbands, and elders in our church to aid us in our sanctification, but God has instilled and knows the value of relationships and practical solutions in our lives as women. In Titus 2, Paul asks older women to also help those who are younger in their journey. God is gracious to give Th so much help given to those of us women who flounder in specific areas of our lives. “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:3-5. Our struggles in marriage, children, home-making, attitude, bad habits, control, emotions, addictions, all can be faced and changed through the gospel as we seek the help and wisdom from older, godly women. We are not alone! In our culture, church is a great place to start finding that help, but books and internet can also be a good source of direction. And as older women, we do not have to be perfect in every area of life to aid those in need. We can even share mistakes we have made, and prevent others from following a miserable path we took.

My dear sister began a journey to build home-making, cooking, and hospitality skills quite a few years ago. She sought advice, read books, and became a humble learner on subjects she had previously closed her mind toward. Now my sister can cook a delicious meal without breaking into a sweat of fear. In fact, she hosts church and family dinners in her home several times a week. She would probably still say that cooking does not come naturally to her, and she probably still has some crazy turnouts in her kitchen. But what has changed is her heart on the matter. Instead of being prideful of her inability, she has taken refuge in God’ strength and humbly seeks help as needed.

My sister was right. It is my pride, that prevents me from humbly seeking help and changing. If I do not acknowledge my weakness and seek help to change, I do not allow God’s strength to be glorified through my weakness. I simply live with my weakness and carry on unchanged. My goal in life is to bring God glory in all I do. That is my purpose from creation.

Through my sister’s weakness in the kitchen, I see God’s strength. God always seems to call me to do what I am unable to do. But through that inability, He keeps me resting in His strength. He keeps me humbly asking for help. And because of my shortcomings, God can be glorified, instead of me, myself, and I, glorying in what I am able to do without relying on Christ and seeking help. It is all because of Him!

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” I Corinthians 1:1-26

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Becoming a Companion Helper

I have been married twelve years now. I am still learning so much about marriage and my role as a wife.

My primary desire in life is to bring God glory in all I am and in all I do. With that foundation at the core of my theology, my heart is continually made aware of how often I fail!

I have discovered that the greatest area of failure is in marriage…true. Honestly, I think it is because I do not perceive marriage as the God given ministry that He ordained it to be. In particular, I fail to see my role in marriage as the ministry it has been created to be. My husband’s ministry in marriage is a little more clear to me than my own…especially when he fails in his ministry of marriage…sad right?

I have read book after book on the biblical purpose of marriage and in particular of being a wife. I have learned much from such resources, but like everything, what we know in our heads is useless, if that knowledge is not applied practically in our lives.

As Genesis 2 states, a woman was created FOR the man to be HIS HELPER.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Gen 2:18

That verse says so much in a few words. As I have pondered it, I collected a few insights from that verse. Many more are to be had, and still more as that verse can be paired with so many other passages in Scripture. But for starters, here are a few thoughts…

1) Adam was is in need of very specific help. God, the creator, would not have created such a complex creature (woman) to fill a need that could have been filled by a simpler creation. I would even venture to guess that woman is God’s most the most complex creation. LOL.

2) Adam wasn’t necessarily aware he had a need. He also wasn’t aware of how he needed help. God is the one who saw Adam’s need and knew exactly what kind of creature (woman) would be a perfect fit for Adam. God knows His creation better than the created knows itself!

3) Eve, the wife, was created…tailor made by God… to be exactly what Adam needed. She was created FOR Adam, not Adam for her. Adam, already existed. Eve was created to fill his need.

4) The need Eve was created to help Adam with was companionship. Adam was ALONE…God did not see that as good. Adam needed a partner, someone with whom to enjoy and share life.

5) God is brought glory as the Creator, when His creation strives to fulfill the purpose for which it was created. What a beautiful couple Adam and Eve must have been together before the entrance of sin into the world and the curse sin brought! Talk about the perfect marriage!

Thinking on those concepts from Scripture, my heart is truly enlightened as I contemplate my modern marriage.

It is hard to have a Biblical marriage without ideas from the sinful world tainting it! Even among church people I have found misconceptions of biblical marriage.

As I said earlier, knowledge of truth alone is irrelevant if it is not lived out.

So how do I seek to live out what I learn about biblical marriage? Honestly, this is an ongoing process for me. I am still learning. And expect I always will be…at least I hope so!

1) Focus on being a companion helper. I was not created to change my husband. I was not created to be my husband’s housekeeper. I was not created for the purpose of being a mate and procreation. I was not created to disciple my husband…I will leave that to other men in the church. I was created simply to be the perfect friend, companion, earthly hand-holder for my husband. So completely simple, yet marred by the complexities of my sinful nature. And so I fail in my purpose time and time again.

How do I focus on being a companion helper? Honestly, I could use more tips in this arena of thinking, because for me, I find it easy to think I am accomplishing my purpose by helping my husband in almost every other way, except being there. I help him by caring for his home, cooking wholesome food, supporting his callings and interests in life, submitting to him, washing and pressing his clothes, doing jobs and errands for him…yes, I truly enjoy ministering to my husband by meeting his material and physical needs. But I greatly err if I think that is the purpose I was created by God to fulfill for my husband! Those tasks can actually cause me to check the “helper” box off without actually fulfilling the one glorious need of my husband that I was created to fill. My husband needs my companionship, far more than my service!

So, going back to the drawing board…what makes a true friend? What defines a faithful companion?

An endearing creature like the Golden Retriever provides a descent illustration of companion helper.

That sweet old dog is simply there…there waiting with expectation at the window for his human friend to return. That dog leaps, and wags in circles of excitement when his human walks in the door. When the dog’s friend invites him along, that pooch leaps into the truck and tag along with his friend, it makes no difference where they are headed, he is just glad to be with his human friend. At home, that dog, lays around watching his human friend rake autumn leaves outdoors and then follows him from room to room around the house. That dog is always there. He doesn’t care if his friend is a drunk, a murderer or a prince. That dog doesn’t care what his friend does for a living…rich or poor. That dog will stick close to his human friend until death. And the dog will look longingly down the road for hours when his human companion packs up for a journey without him. Much more could be and has been said concerning the faithful friendship of a dog. But my point has been made. I have much to learn about companionship from God’s creation.

There are a few habits that are part of my life that are also helpful in keeping me mindful of my purpose to my husband.

1) Greet my husband in the morning, see him off to work with kisses, and welcome him home with excitement and more kisses. Unless I am sick or have a newborn that always happens. My husband never leaves the house without a kiss.

2) Colliding in the day with affection. Weekends my husband is usually home. We both often have household tasks to get done, but as we pass in the hall, or when I take him tea while he works, or such we interact with affection for a moment and in essence join our diverse days.

3) Listening time. When my husband returns home from work, I like to hear about his day. I like to know how he is doing since I haven’t had any or very little contact with him all day. I want to know his conversations and his take on the day he had. It makes me feel connected to him, although we haven’t shared the same experiences in the day. In turn, I connect him to mine and we talk about what we both did. I sometimes find this end of the day connection is easy to disregard as children clamber for attention, dinner is being cooked, or my current emotional state blocks my freedom to communication. I usually like him to share his day first, but there are days I need to clear the air with my thoughts so I can emotionally connect with him. Thankfully, I am married to a very understanding man. It can sometimes take a lot of effort to have a daily conversation about the day!

4) Spend alone time together…every day. We began the habit of putting our children to bed early from their birth…7pm in fact. We are pretty faithful with that time. It gives me and my husband a couple hours of time alone before we too go to bed. Unless we are in the midst of an unusual season, we don’t go our separate ways and do our separate things. Whatever we do, it is done together…read, watch a show, decorate and wrap gifts, work on a house project. Yes! There have been many an evening my husband has a project like a plugged drain, faucet replacement, painting, or light fixture installation to do in the evening. I do not let him work alone. I do not have the knowledge or ability to do some of those things, so like the king retriever, I pull up a chair and keep him company those evening he has work to do. I do not sit there on my phone either…I chat with him, ask dumb questions about what he is doing, and simply enjoy being there with him. It is simple. My husband does travel for work. Those days we cannot be together we spend time talking on the phone…and always text a “good-morning” and “goodnight.” That is what a dear friend would do right?

5. Make his life mine. This is still an ongoing process. I feel that even though we have been married twelve years, we both are changing and growing in the Lord. I strive to have interest in what interests my husband. I might not gave the enthusiasm for NASCAR that he has, but I do not brush it off has “his thing.” It is “our thing.” He has taught me a lot about the ins and outs of the sport. And I seek to know what is going on and will go to races, watch them with him, and support his interest. NASCAR is part of who I am married to, and therefore, important to me. The same with my husband’s job, past, family, dreams, goals… what is important to him and a part of him is also important to me because I love him, I want to be a part of every aspect of his life.

6. Work together. If my husband has a lot to do, I seek to be there and help him get it done. If he needs quiet to write a school paper, I take the children out to a park. If he has enormous yard work and there is something I am able to do, I scrap my plans and join in his. As a couple we minister together. What ministries he chooses to embrace, I fully support, either by joining in too, or by tending to the children and other responsibilities at home so he is free to serve. I have no complaints on that subject. We are in God’s work together and any way we can bring God glory by loving others is a win win in my opinion.

7. Walk through life…holding hands. This may seem like sweet sentiment to some, but in reality the symbolism is powerful. We don’t let go of each other’s hands in a metaphorical context. There is no division of “his life” and “her life”, of “his goals” and “her goals,” “his problems” and “her problems…” It is OUR life, Our goals, and OUR problems… When times are hard we tighten our grip and pull each other up (emotionally) as needed. We are there for each other. Being close to someone involves a constant mental connection. We have that with the Lord as Christians. I believe it is also possible to have that as a married couple. It is trashing the individual mindset and focusing on the mindset of a coupled team. I strive to let my husband never feel alone. I am WITH him in heart, body, mind, and soul.

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Busy Seasons of Rest

I sank down on the sofa. A straight week of working till midnight and rising at five. I was beat.

Everyone has their limitations, but for me, those limitations had passed without my notice. I was in the zone. My brain was engaged and so was my body.

My husband and I just bought a house in much need of cleaning and repairs before we could even move in. We worked and worked without the regular concern for ourselves.

It felt good to work hard and see so much accomplished. I had energy and excitement in what I was doing. I slept very little, but also very hard. It was an adventure.

We moved in and so began a whirlwind of unpacking boxes. I wanted to get life in some version of order so I could be in a good position to begin our slightly delayed school lessons.

Two weeks after we moved in, I jumped into school lessons withe the children. My mind got in gear and sleep eluded me. I had so much to do! Home repairs, meals, laundry, cleaning, and now school… Up at 3 a.m. this time. Days simply were too short to accomplish what had to be done! I felt like life was in a constant state of “catching up.” I desperately needed those four hours every morning before the children woke up. I kept going and going…

This is the virtuous woman right? Rising early to prepare for her household? God would give me strength…

Then my body had enough. My ability to control my emotions plummeted. My nerves were raw. I was becoming unpleasant and unpredictable in nature. My weak nervous system began to groan with the bodily an emotional stress.

One day, I went out to get a paintbrush for a bit of priming in the kitchen, only to discover every paintbrush I had used was a hard, rock. I had neglected to wash them properly a few days earlier, and now they were unusable. Bummed, that another day’s work would be delayed until I could get a new brush, my heart swelled with emotions.

I was tired… and I knew it. Suddenly, that crusty paintbrush became a teacher to my heart. Because I realized, that paintbrush was me.

Just like that paintbrush, I am a tool, a tool that is meant to bring the Master glory as I do what He asks each day. For me, God’s work often includes changing a poopy diapers, scrubbing spots off the carpet, teaching four little hearts about God, kissing the man I love, and embracing an unexpected conversation with the neighbor for an hour.

With constant use, and neglect of basic care, any tool will eventually wear out, rust over, be used up, or fall into disrepair. To be of use, a tool needs to be given rest, cleaning, and attention.

It is important to take regular, consistent time for self maintanance and care. that thought, the word “renewal” is very fitting. Renewal is the replenishing of green and life after the deadness and cold of winter. Renewal is the quiet rest of an injured beast beside a cool stream. Renewal a glass of water that has been drunk dry, being refilled with fresh cool water. Renewal is a rusty, old car being given a tune-up and puttering on the road again. Renewal is a weary traveler falling into a soft bed at a hotel, for a night rest before continuing on his journey. Renewal continues until the journey’s end. Renewal is part of the natural cycle of life… physical and spiritual. Renewal, is fresh, quiet, rest, constant, and replenishing…it is a beautiful word.

Take time for Spiritual Renewal:

Romans 12:1-8 pairs beautifully with the value of spiritual renewal in my life.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

Oh my, what a passage to meditate upon during busy seasons of life! How easy it is to conform to worldly acceptable behaviors as my schedule fills up and stressful, crazy days become regular features in my life. Stress, worry, fear, complaining, exhaustion are truly patterns of a heart that is worn out and not renewed. It is essential that I prioritize time in each day for mental renewal and falling into those wonderful mercies that are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). By taking the time to mentally rest and reboot, my mind is renewed. Honestly, renewing my mind is key to allowing God to work through me daily.

There are many ways to renew spiritually. I find worship and prayer with other believers to be at the top of my list. Quiet time in prayer is wonderful as well. Fasting added to prayer is a very focused way to renew spiritually. Studying Scripture has often filled me with fresh joy and awe of God as well. Sometimes, all I can fit into a day is what I fill my ears with as I go…Biblical teaching, preaching, and worship music are invaluable on days that turn upsidedown.

Take time for physical Renewal:

Sometimes a doctor visit, nutritional supplements or medicine is needed to help a mother be her best. Sometimes a daily bath is necessary to calm nerves and heal a weary body. Sometimes a nap must be a daily priority. During seasons, I have found a cup of chamomile tea essential before bed, in order for a good night sleep to occur. Of course, healthy eating, exercise, and drinking adequate water can help a Mama feel her best as well. I feel it is important to build healthy habits into my day. A savory breakfast is an essential start to my morning. A woman should feel no guilty for giving her body the rest it needs to perform the tasks set before it. However, she should feel guilt if she is unable to perform what God has given her to do because she fails to seek out needed help for her health, eat wholesome food, skip meals, neglect a reasonable bedtime, or as I was at fault…even rising too early! Caring for my body is part of what makes me able to be an effective sacrifice to God’s work through me.

So many women like myself fall into the trap of thinking that self-care is selfish. We neglect needed rest, nutrition, and general maintenance of the tool (our bodies) we have that is made by God, in God’s image and for God’s own glory. Yes, self-care can become idolatry, pride, and selfishness. I have learned to keep in balance my self-care by asking myself, if by doing “______________” will I will be better able to minister and serve my Savior? Often the answer to that question determines my action.

I have learned that in both the busiest, most stressful seasons of life, as well as on the days with a regualar beat, it is easy for the spiritual and physical life to become neglected. For me, the result is attitude, ingrattitude, worry, fear, and lack of focus. I loose my awe of Christ. I loose my purpose in life. I become emotionally and physically raw and needy. In essance, I succumb to being controlled by earthly things instead of the Holy Spirit, and am unable to effectivly and joyfully fullfill my service to God.

Renewal is essential to my journey, and the journey of all Christians. Renewal was even given an entire day of the week in creation! It is essential to both our physical and spiritual well-being, just as it is important to properly use and clean a paintbrush while its services are needed.

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Little Whos are People Too

“Come on little whos, let’s hurry to the car!” I tried to hurry my four children into the van after an afternoon library trip. Their arms were full of as many books as they could carry. The wind had brought an autumn chill to the air. And each child was stammering complaints, hunched over; their arms full of books while they sluggishly moved toward the van in the parking lot.

“My little whos”… sigh… I often find myself latching onto temporary pet names for my children. Often a made up word rolls off my tongue… “Peetalpie,” “Bottlebee” or “Pumpkin Heart” It is literally whatever is on my mind in any given moment.

Lately, my children have been called “Whos.” Anyone familiar with the story, Horton Hears a Who, written by Theodor Seuss Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss, is also familiar with the quote, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” The speck of the city of Whoville, filled with microscopic people called Whos, has become iconic to all Dr. Suess fans.

For me, calling my children “whos” began very much by accident, but as I have caught myself recently using that particular pet name, I have been pondering how important it is for to me to see each of my children, and every child with whom I interact, as a true person, complete with feelings, understanding, and heart.

So often, like most Mamas, I neglect seeing my little ones as people. I see children as responsibilities, sometimes interruptions or inconveniences, sometimes loads of fun and cuteness; certainly minds and bodies to be trained and tended… but yet… despite any perception I might be currently feeling toward my child, my underlying focus must be to be aware of that child’s person-hood.

It is essential that I look into those little eyes and listen to the chatter of the soul within. I am not talking of a child centered version of parenting, or a mama loosing her identity as Mother and becoming simply a buddy with her child.

I am valuing the intentional engagement of a child as a person. Treating a child as a visible and an aware being, is essential to raising children who behave responsibly and grow up. Not demeaning, ignoring, or talking over a child are part of that concept. It is also important to engage a child in grown-up concerns, thoughts, and responsibilities, as well as seriously engaging in a child’s little world of cares, play, and thrills.

I have found that when I perceive my children as persons, my conversation and expectations follow suit.

There are many ways an adult can show value to a child’s person hood.

A real person has feelings, fears, struggles, hard things (yes, even little ones!), frustrations, perspectives, ideas, awareness…

A child who is not treated like a person is perceived as a lower grade than an adult, feelings are not considered, what the child sees and hears about himself or herself is what is heard about Him instead of to him. A child is belittled. A child is ignored. Basic greetings and etiquette are not given to a child, nor expected from a child. Essentially, a child is endured, trained, and educated, yes, even loved, but not truly known or enjoyed. I do not want that to be my children. Have I failed? Often do and still will. But, I strive to value my little whos for the precious individuals God created them to be.

I have found a few helpful thoughts and actions can practically aid in my desire to see past the height and current development of my child and into the person they are.

1) Inclusion into the events of my world. I like my children to know what is going on in my life. I don’t sneak or hide situations from them for convenience sake. For instance, I have often had a friend or even both Jim and I, friends, over in an evening after the children’s bedtime. I do tell my children that someone is coming over after they are in bed. Yes, they would not know the difference if I didn’t tell them, but it makes good conversation the next morning as my little whos inquire how my evening went, and if I had a good visit. They are a part of my life and I want them to know I will be visiting after they are in bed should they need me, as well as being aware of what is going on. I also want them to respect me as a person and my need for friendships and time with others. Everyone doesn’t exists for my children and my life belongs to God and His work, which includes my children but is not exclusively about them.

2) Providing information on life events is also important. When children are not yet readers, they have no way of knowing what is happening. I like to read to them a lot, from grocery store adds to signs on the road. I also like them to be informed about the happenings in our family life a few days in advance…if we are going to get groceries, a doctor appointment, a weekend at Grandma’s house. I want them to have as few surprises in life as possible, so I try to keep them in the loop as much as I am able.

5) Being transparent with a child is a communication opener. I must be honest in conversation and let them know I am also human. I let them know when I am having a hard day. I apologize when I am grumpy and unreasonable…or simply wrong in my judgement. I let them know areas in my life that the Lord is working on me. We talk about it. It interests them. They grow from seeing my humanness and I find it breaks down walls and opens conversations into discussing their humanness.

6) Make eye contact during conversations. As adults, we respect and value friends who truly care about us. Those are the ones we know listen when we speak. Those friends who ask how we are doing and really want to know… Why? Because true friends focus on what we say. As a mother, part of raising my children is listening to them. Yes, the little ramblings of their hearts may seem shallow and sweet to me now, but how often I have landed in a deeper, heartfelt conversation with my child, because I took a moment to look in their eye and ingest their ramblings!

7) Don’t talk about a child as though he or she is invisible while that child is standing in ear-shot, hearing every word. Doctor appointments are sometimes the most difficult for me, because I am there to inform the doctor about any concerns I have with my child, while my child is in the room! Awkward! In general, I do not talk about my children while they are in the room. I do my best to include them in the conversation I am having with someone.

8) Do not let a child defer responsibility to Mama. I do not consider it selfish to make my children think of me or apologize to me for causing me inconvenience. If my child causes a mess that I have to pick up, I point out how inconsiderate that was of her or him, and demand their apology. I also stress that they care for other humans in need, even each other. I don’t want them to see the trouble of someone else, like a sibling, as Mommy’s responsibility, but theirs as well. For instance, if one of my daughters falls on the sidewalk, while her sister is swinging on a swing a few feet away, the sissy who is swinging needs to rush to injured sissy’s aid. I have some children that see the needs of others more readily than others. I have had to teach my children to rush to help, not wait for mommy, but be responsible themselves. I often find now, that my children run to each other for consolation and a bandage instead of mommy. It does my heart good to finish fold my laundry and be greeted by two of my girls, one who has already been bandaged up and tears dried, as they inform me of how the scrape occurred. Taking personal responsibility others in  trouble is compassion. As well as taking responsibility for ones own messes is important. I am potty training my little son. He is doing well, but still has occasional accidents. If he has an accident, I have trained him to come get me, but it is his job to clean up his own poop. I don’t do it. I might sanitize after he is done, but he needs to learn to clean up his own messes as much as he is able. If a child makes a mess they are incapable of setting right…a broken dish for instance. I do ask them to apologize to me for the broken dish and extra work. If they are able, and it is safe, I will include them in helping me clean or repair the damage done.

9) Include children in the hard things. Children should understand death, suffering, pain, trauma, and poverty, are all a part of life. I do not shelter my children from such things at any age. As much as I am able, I include my children in hospital visits, funerals, and in prayer for those we know who are in crisis. I never underestimate the prayers of a child. It is also invaluable for them to learn how to respond and treat others during hard times. Even as an adult, I am still figuring out how to respond to various situations, so what I learn, I pass on to my children. I like include them in real life scenarios from birth, and do not believe it is healthy to shelter them from the rough stuff in life.

10) Keeping my word is essential to building trust and dependency with adults as well as children. So many adults give false promises or even threats to their children. It is easy to say words like “We are going home if you act out one more time” But with three other children and a doctor appointment in an hour, keeping that promise is going to cause a lot of trouble, or it won’t be kept. Even, ” Grandpa and Grandma are coming in a couple days,” Can be cause for confusion should they get sick and be unable to make it. So, I do my best to consider the promises or warnings I give my children. I do not commit to anything I am unable to fulfill. I say “maybe” and “we will see.” lot… Life is uncertain, so I like to leave a lot of open ends in our plans in case God changes things. My children have become familiar with the phrase, “If God says “yes” or “no” … we don’t know yet.” I also do not make many promises to my children. Nothing is for certain, and I as an adult am still trying to live in that mindset.

11) My favorite part of treating my child as a person is engaging in the amazing wonderments and thoughts of their little minds. I engage in every question, no matter how personal or complicated. I do not shelve subjects for a later time or date. I believe every question can be answered with an age appropriate response. If my five year old daughter want to know how babies begin inside, I simply say that “God works a beautiful miracle and puts a tiny person inside a mommy.” My six-year-old asked once why God created His enemy Satan, which caused me to read up a bit and led into an amazing discussion about the gospel and a God who planned redemption before creation. I love the questions my children have, and do my best to capture the moment, not making them wait until they are older or find the answer impersonally from another source.

12) Etiquette is showing love to others including little others. I try to be polite in front of my children! I don’t “let it go” while they are about. I say “please” and “thank-you” to them. Now, I might spend some time rolling around on the floor in a tickle frenzy with them, but that doesn’t mean I am “not” a lady. I find the foundation of every etiquette book I have read to simply be,loving others. What shows the best consideration and kindness to someone else in a given moment is what is polite. I do insist my children show the best kindness they can to others as well. “Please” and “Thank you” are required, as is “good morning.” I make a point to greet all of my children cheerfully each day with “good morning.” They naturally return the greeting. For meals, we sit at the table and converse while we eat. I do not allow my littlest children to run about while the rest of the family eats dinner. If a child is done eating early, I ask them to look around, “Daddy is not done, Mommy is not done, sissy is not done…you can sit and wait….tell Daddy something you learned in school today.” My children have learned to ask to leave the table. One does not just get up when he or she is done and leave the room. My children even ask if they can get something during the meal like salt or some more water… we are all learning, little by little, what it means to be considerate of others and how very important that is.

13) I never ever, ever lie to my children or allow my children a lie. I realize this may be a controversial subject to some mothers. But, this is simply what I do and why. I do teach my children there are lies that exist. For instance, we don’t lie to our children about Santa Clause. They know Santa is used in the celebration of Christmas, especially by people who don’t know Christ. We don’t avoid storybooks or movies about him, but we make sure our children know Santa is not real, and we do not include him in our celebration of Christmas, and our children know why. We do the same with the tooth fairy. Our children happily announce that their Daddy is the tooth fairy. I also tell my children about the lie of evolution. Saying that there are people who do not believe in God and need an explanation for how the world began instead of by God, so evolution has been that lie for many years. Telling my children a lie, and telling them about a lie are very different in my mind. There are many lies out their from body image to immorality that my children will encounter. I do not need to add to that by lying to my children. And honestly, it is just as equal a sin to lie to an adult just as it is to a child. Deceit is a lie as well. I do not intentionally trick or deceive my children into doing something. I do not make up quippy answers to their sincere questions either. Even in fun, lying can be harmful. How often has someone said something in jest that hurt. That person can brush it off as just a joke and blame me for taking it wrong, but it hurt. Either it was untrue and should not have been said, or it was true and the idea it was a joke was a lie.

Those are truly a few of the various methods I find helpful to treat my little whos as people. I honestly owe much of my thinking on the subject to my mother who was a shining example in treating me as a person…no matter how small. She often told me how important it was for her to say “goodbye” to her children before leaving them in a church nursery or with a sitter. She never scooted off while we were occupied. She treated even her little blabbering babies with common respect.

I realize, seeing from the perspective of a little mind, body, and heart can be challenging for some, and even I who endeavor to show the respect of person-hood to my children, fail so often. But I am comforted that it is not entirely impossible, because we were all little whos once too. And in God’s eyes, we will always be little, yet with such gentleness, tenderness, and compassion He leads us!

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Sour Cream Dip (with a Little Kick)

Ingredients:

1 8oz carton sour cream
1 T paprika
1 T dry onion
2 t garlic powder
1 t. Black pepper
2 t dry mustard
2 t salt

Mix together and enjoy. A little more dry mustard can be added to increase the subtle heat.

Great for a veggie dip…raw asaparagus is my personal fav. Also good cold with chicken fingers or warmed and used as a sauce over roasted chicken breasts or veggies!