It was the end of the day. My husband just walked in the door from work. I was just stepping out the door to meet a friend for a cup of tea and conversation.
I kissed him goodbye and made the comment, with a sigh, “It has been a grumpy day. I am looking forward to some time away from these whining children.” He seemed to understand. And I left.
Most mothers totally understand my day. There are days when the children do nothing but fuss. We all have days when we are grateful for bedtime, and the joy we find in the silence.
In the car, I fished for the latest episode of John Piper to listen to as I drove. Thinking of John Piper reminded me about enjoying God. And my thoughts about enjoying God pulled from my mind of how I had not enjoyed my children all day. They had made themselves un-enjoyable by their whining, complaining, and crying over silly things. I had not enjoyed my children and they had not gotten to enjoy me all day. I was in a constant state of correcting or settling them down. We did not sit down to tell stories or read books. We did not go on an adventure down to the woods. We did not chat happily with each other. I was sad the day had been wasted with bad attitudes.
I was instantly pricked in my soul, as I saw myself, God’s child, as an un-enjoyable child. My ungrateful spirit…my complaining mouth…my lack of joy…cranky me? Oh yes. My children and I had not enjoyed each other due to unhappy hearts. Could I enjoy God or He me, if my spirit was grumpy? I think not. My enjoyment in God is so often lost in a spirit of worry and grumbling. Other things consume my heart, crowding out my drunkenness with God’s Spirit. I allow finances, technology, situations, things people say, fears, husband, children, education, relationships, blessings, and circumstances to wrap me up in a spirit of dissatisfaction. If my heart was truly fixed on my God, my soul would be steadfast and untroubled. My heart would not only have joy in God, but also in the circumstance of life that He has bestowed upon me. I would find my complete joy in God. Nothing else would matter. Enjoying God requires a joyful heart. And a joyful heart, only comes from enjoying God.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God. Ps. 47:11