Category: Loving Little Souls

Training, loving, and savoring the little souls entrusted to me for a season

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The Ministry of Scents of the Home

I have always been rather sensitive about smells. When I was pregnant, those sensitivities would escalate to the point I wanted to crawl out of my skin to even take out the trash. Once when I was pregnant, we had dead possum under our porch. The horrible smell leached into our basement and then into the entire house. I found it unbearable to the point I packed up the children and left the house for the day. When my sweet husband came home and saw my distress, he removed the porch floorboards and shoveled out the rotting possum. Then he poured bleach over the entire area. Without the consuming horrid smell, my heart was again at peace.

Smell has a greater affect on our hearts than we realize. Potent, stifling smells can be very stressful and make us want to run as far away as we can. Warm, welcoming smells of stewing applesauce and fresh bread, vanilla and spices, or even a clean, crisp lemon scent can set a tone that makes our hearts be at peace and want to stay a while.

Within the home, creating inviting scents and working to keep unpleasant odors under control is therefore essential in preparing a platform for ministry to happen within our walls. The sense of smell, is therefore a wonderful tool I can use in my pursuit of creating a home environment the welcomes spiritual growth and joy in God.

Pay attention to the smells of the home. So often we become accustomed to smells within our walls, that other people might find foreign or uncomfortable. As much as I enjoy fish, I am careful to chose the nights I will cook it. If I am expecting company after dinner, fish will not be on the menu. Although it does not have an odor I find appalling, for many people, the smell of fish is extremely potent and unpleasant.

Animals that live in the home can also make a home smell. It is important to keep indoor dwelling creatures clean and the places they hang out washed and freshened regularly. We do not have an indoor cat, but have kept ours indoors during certain stages of his life so I know that if there is a cat in the house, the kitty littler should be in a room that is tucked away from the rest of the living space…a laundry room, sun-room, or closet where a door can be shut on the ever present odor.

There various are smells that are built into the walls of our home and therefore a constant that we must work to mask or continually re-eliminate. We lived in an old farmhouse for a few years and it always had a very musty smell. In the room above the wet basement, was a den with wood paneling on every wall. I found rubbing that wood paneling down with a mixture of cinnamon oil and coconut oil made the house smell fabulous for weeks.

Carpets and walls may hold in smell from ourselves or even previous dwellers. while fresh paint often takes care of the walls, carpets can be far more difficult to deodorize. Despite the wide market of products on the market, the smell will keep coming back. I recently invested in a carpet cleaner for our current home and it has made a big difference in freshening up the carpets on occasion. Baking soda sprinkled on the carpet and left overnight can be helpful. But powdered products are awfully hard on the vacuum cleaner, so they shouldn’t be used except in extreme cases. For me, just keeping a regular carpet cleaning is the best move. I have sprinkled peppermint or lavender oil on the car carpets and car-seats from time to time. That doesn’t eliminate bad orders, but can cover them up in a natural and pleasant way.

If at all possible use natural scents in the home. This is an area that is still in progress for me. I love to burn candles, but finding candles that are safe to breath hasn’t always been a priority because of the cost and accessibility. But after having a guest with sensitivities to a candle I burned, I will at least do my best to burn a naturally scented candle when we have visitors.

I already clean with natural products as I discussed in the post, Household Cleaning on the Cheap, Practical, and Natural. Cleaning products are certainly a vital area we homemakers need to watch. Many products we use daily and  weekly, are not only toxic to breathe, but can cause severe allergic reactions to some people. I want a home that has air as safe to breathe as I can am able to create.

Chemical scents are often loaded into laundry as well. Guests with allergies would be unable to stay with us if I wasn’t careful about the products I use in laundry. My husband is also one of those who is sensitive to laundry softeners. So, if I must include softener in my laundry, I am careful to get one that is natural and hypoallergenic…yes…and unscented. But laundry doesn’t have to be boring. A few drops of lavender oil on a rag can brighten up the smell of hot clean clothes tossing in the dryer. I also LOVE a laundry line. Read about that more in my Laundry on the Line post. Nothing has a more amazing scent than line dried sheets and clothing!

I am very opinionated on the subject of plug-ins and sprays that are made to make a room smell good. They can be incredibly overpowering and in fact even though they might not stink like a dead possum, they make many folks…like me…gag. I find the artificial smells overpowering and believe many others do as well. Instead a diffuser with a favorite blend of essential oils, a few spices in a pot of simmering water (or mini crock pot), a naturally scented vanilla candle, fresh flowers, potted plants, or even a batch of freshly baked bread can make a home smell incredible without concern of causing anyone discomfort.

Cleanliness is vital to maintaining a home without bad odors. One of the most effective ways to keep a home smelling pleasant is simply to keep it clean. Some of the most notorious bad smells in the home are poopy diapers, kitty litter, and un-emptied trash cans.

My children collect trash throughout every room in the house on a daily basis. I empty those baskets in the kitchen trash, and take it out to the trash bins outside. Baby diapers get wrapped tightly in a special bag to lock in the smells, or they get put in a diaper bin. Kitty litter should be changed daily to prevent it from any odor. I already discussed carpets, but carpets and wood can absorb smells.

Wood is like skin, when it is warm and humid it opens up and releases all those lovely or less lovely smells. Wood floors and paneling can be cleaned with a gentle soap and water (I favor Murphy’s oil). Then the wood can be nourished with a simple blend of a cheap oil like sunflower oil and a few drops of an essential oil. I like to rub oil into the wood just after it has been cleaned with warm water.

Dust has a smell. Have you ever turned on a heater the first brisk day of fall and smelled the dust getting hot? Well, imagine a layer of dust on blinds, furniture, or framework. Being faithful at wiping off the dust can be very helpful in keeping a room smelling fresh.

Appliances can hold odors as well…dishwashers, refrigerators, freezers, microwaves, vacuum cleaners, and washing machines need to be cleaned as well. Appliances should all work without producing any bad odors. For tips on how I clean, check out how I use baking soda and vinegar in my home in My Household Friend: Baking Soda and The Role of White Vinegar in My Home. And just a thought…if you have a vacuum cleaner that has a dusty smell even after it has been emptied, it is time to ditch it and get a new vacuum. A vacuum cleaner should function without any smell.

Fresh air is a wonderful way to keep a home smelling good. Open the windows in the spring and fall can really help air out the house and keep fresh air rotating. The smell of fresh air naturally soothes my mind and a the smells of flowers, soil, and trees give my heart thoughts of God’s goodness.

Prepare for bad smells. The bathroom is a place where bad smells occur. It is a great idea to keep a plan on hand to mask unpleasantries to noses. A bathroom spray or a match are very effective and should be kept available for guests as well as ourselves to use as needed. When we have guests, keeping a candle burning in the bathroom is an easy way to remove the potential of embarrassing smells. If possible one should also make sure there is a way for air to circulate within a bathroom by keeping a vent or window open a crack at all times.

Bad odors can also occur in the kitchen. Even kept clean, a fridge can breed odor. A box of baking soda is a helpful odor absorbing product to keep in freezers and refrigerators. I simply punch a few holes in the top of my baking soda box and put the whole box in the back of the refrigerator and freezer. The kitchen trash should be emptied daily. Our trash is emptied more like 2-3 times a day. Burnt foods should be disposed of outdoors as quickly as possible. If you are planning to do a project inside the house that will involve paints or chemicals, plan those projects on warmer days if possible so windows can be opened for ventilation.

The sense of smell enhances all of our other senses. Because of smell, food has taste, flowers have freshness, and a walk in the woods is so refreshing. Smell is like salt to our sense of sight, hearing, touch, and taste…perhaps it could be lived without, but life is far better with a sense of smell! As a homemaker, I certainly try to put smell to good use to enhance the overall flavor of my home into a place that nurtures our souls and opens pathways for our heart to rejoice in our Creator.

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The Ministry of Taste in the Home

Food thought a very temporal and tangible substance has incredible spiritual implications and is essential to the life of the body, and theretofore the life of the soul within the body. The sense of taste, is therefore an essential ministry we homemakers need to study for use in our home.

Foods served in each home very much reflect the culture and lifestyle of that home. As the post, Ministering Through Physical Senses in the Home describes, there is no right or wrong on the matter, we each will make foods we serve based upon our upbringing, who we married, allergies, time constraints, nutritional needs and eating habits, as well as our level of joy and comfort in cooking.

In biblical times eating was not only treasured during fellowship with others, but various foods and feasts held specific symbolism. Our constant need for physical nourishment is symbolic of our need for constant spiritual nourishment. Taste can open up incredible pathways for our spirits to be nourished.

Food provides opportunities for fellowship and spiritual conversations with our own family as well as with friends and un-churched folks. How often our own family has lingered around a dinner table as we discuss a topic of our faith. Or in small group, food is an avenue that allows us to ponder our faith and lives together as we share a snack together after Bible study. Food slows us down and gives us a reason to linger a moment with others. Even a simple cup of tea is all that is needed to pause in life, to be still, alone or shared with others.

I try to keep a balance of eating habits in our home. Taste has so many intricate affects and meets various needs from celebration, to nutrition, and to prayer. All should be included thoughtfully through the patterns of home-making.

On a daily basis, I serve the best food I can afford that will enrich the bodies of my family. Wholesome food helps us think clearly and have energy to serve others. I find if I am not eating balanced meals and snacks, my mental clarity and physical stamina plummet. I go into more depth about how my faith affects impacts healthy eating habits in the post:  Pursuing Health for God’s Glory. Someone once told me that it is those who are sick who eat the healthiest diets. It is because the sick are the ones who are who realize the value nutrients bring their bodies because the sick hunger for healing so their souls can engage in life without the restrictions their body presents. One should not wait until our bodies malfunction before beginning healthy eating practices. Each day is the time to nourish our body, so we can be as physically fit as possible for us. Yes, that level of health will vary from person to person depending on the body God has given us and its age. Regardless, it is our responsibility to maintain properly, just like our car, our house, and our children. We must care for our bodies the best we know how to do. Food should be eaten with others in mind, not for our temporary selfish comfort.

I make it a priority in our home to share the tastes of our home with others. When I share the tastes of our home, I am essentially sharing the goodness God has poured upon us, with others. I LOVE doing that! I like to keep casseroles, bread, and soups in my freezer at all times. It is so easy to grab a few items and deliver them to whomever the Lord lays on my heart at any given moment. If I have nothing adequate prepared, I have a small list of “go to” comfort dishes to take to folks. We once had a sweet neighbor, and I enjoyed setting aside a portion of the food I made to tun over to her. I also love having others in our home to share food around our table and fellowship! My point is that we must find ways we can share the tastes of our home with others. So often we wait too long for opportunistic to pop up instead of making our own opportunities. Sharing food with others can be done on a weekly basis without too much effort. We can run some cookies to our neighbors, take a jar of home-made soup to a sick family we know, invite folks over for a meal, run a surprise dinner over to the single working mom across the street…with food in our hands, we can intrude into others lives with ease. For those who want to learn more about how to minister with food, I do include more practical tips about sharing food in the post: Sharing Meals With Others.

I like to use food as a tool of showing God’s goodness to hurting hearts. Food can provide a level of comfort. Eating food for the comfort it brings is not entirely evil. There are seasons in our lives where we draw comfort from silence, music, a walk in nature, or a cuddle with a furry creature by the fire. God has made an incredible world full of little things that bring us joy. Now, God is certainly the source of eternal, lasting comfort. Truths from Scripture will provide our souls with the kind of comfort that heals our wounds. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” II Corinthians 1:3-4. Food can be an incredible tool that can help us reflect on God, His goodness, and blessing. Sometimes a meal from the past brings comfort as we are reminded of sweet memories and blessings the Lord has given us in the years before. Sometimes a meal taken to a hurting soul provides comfort as that meal is eaten with thoughts of not facing trials alone and God’s sustaining grace through each moment. Food shared with hurting souls can be such a beautiful picture of the table prepared for us by our Loving Shepherd. If I know my husband has had a rough day at work, I will often choose to cook something comforting, a favorite casserole or meat and potatoes dish, I can ease the stress of his day by preparing a meal that will bring rest to his soul. Food, like no other sense, can aid in helping souls see the many blessings in their lives and praise God for His goodness. 

Food can serve as a means of celebration. A dear friend of mine once pulled me aside as I struggled over the enormous amounts of sugar being fed to my children during Christmas. She kindly reminded me that throughout the history of Israel, various feasts were encouraged to help the people remember the faithfulness of God. The Passover is one such feast and every item in the Passover meal is symbolic for s And as Christians, we should embrace seasons of feasting with grace, not guilt. Certain foods are customary in our home for specific holidays. As a home-maker, I can use those foods in ways that will help my children remember the holiday and remember the goodness of God as we make and enjoy Christmas cookies, pumpkin pie, and cinnamon rolls. Those are not every-day foods, but ones reserved for a day of worship and joy in our God. It is not enjoyed in vain. Now, there are traditions others in our family hold to certain feasting days, we are not all the same, and we can change some of our traditions into healthier versions if we so desire. Now, feasting does not mean gluttony. I will note here that gluttony and feasting are different. Feasting is a heart enjoying in gratitude for God’s blessing. Gluttony is over-indulging in food with a thankless, mindless greed. Gluttony is always a sin, and has nothing to do with how much a person weighs, but about the greedy heart of the thankless eater.

The absence of food is also important when we homemakers set aside time to fast. I am a firm believer in the art of fasting and prayer. I have seen the Lord work amazing things when I have set aside my physical hungers in my desperation to see the Lord work. My heart in prayer with even more fervency than on a full stomach. As my body feels the pangs of hunger the hunger fills my prayers. For those who have not taken a time to fast, it is well worth the effort. Yes, it takes discipline, but it is amazing to me how the physical cravings can be flipped into spiritual cries from my soul. I have a friend who would set aside Sunday’s to fast and pray. Another who fasts every Wednesday for his children. One day doesn’t make me hungry enough to bring my soul into fervent prayer. I often prefer to do a week to three week increment. It isn’t always going completely without food either, sometimes limiting myself to bone broth or a simple vegetable soup once a day keeps me hungry, but also gives me enough energy to keep up with my children for that time. Recently, Esther has come to mind and her request to Mordecai that he and all Israel fast and pray with her before she went to see the king. “Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish” Esther 4:16. The people of Nineveh also fasted and prayed fervently as described in Jonah 3:5-8. Desperate people will fast and pray. Are we not desperate? Fasting is not practiced by many Christians. It is almost as though we are awkward even talking about it. Many people don’t even know what it means to fast. Most of us simply don’t make time for it in our lives. We fear the discomfort we will have from fasting more than the spiritual discomfort we experience. Fasting should not be something we are self-conscious about as Christians. It should be a way of life. But as Jesus reminds us, we are not to tote it about pridefully either. It is not a badge of honor, it is a humbling, serious, prayerful experience we should make plans to embrace in our lives.

Regular meal times are invaluable. In our own home, I guard mealtimes. We have a dining room, which I love. That is where we sit down every evening together to eat dinner. I try to keep meals “on the go” to a bare minimum and plan our schedules around dinner-time. It is a time our family can re-group, fellowship with each others, and well…learn how to love others by practicing good manners. Our sit down dinners vary in formality depending upon the meal and time I have in the day to prepare dinner. But we always sit together. My husband’s evening work hours are always different depending upon meetings and sometimes traffic. So, we do have a later dinner hour than most. On rare occasions I will feed the children early, but in general we wait until he is home so we can enjoy dinner together. The family dinner table is not something required in Scripture. It is very much a personal endeavor as a home-maker to connect the lives of everyone inside the home for one short period in the day. It also enables me to make sure balanced eating habits are maintained. I believe it is an important time for my children to share their day with their busy Daddy too. Maintaining dinnertime is a way I have found that, whether they know it or not, ministers to the souls of my husband and children.

I love being able to use tastes to minister to not only my own soul, but everyone I can! Food is truly a versatile toll of ministry like no other. I do believe how I use taste in the home is an evolving process, and will continue to grow and change through the years as  I continue to taste the goodness from the table of my heavenly Father!

“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” Ps. 34:8

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The Ministry of Sound in the Home

Sound is probably the most important human sense.

I took a special needs psychology course in college and was challenged to go out in public for several hours without the use of one of my senses. I choose to go without sight. I believed sight would be the most difficult sense to go without and wanted to experience what it would be like not to see.

So, I put band-aids and sunglasses over my eyes and had a friend drive me to the grocery store and then a restaurant for dinner. I thought not having sight would be far more challenging than it was. I was surprised that I could navigate my way through the store using my senses of sound and touch. I was able to pick out items I needed. I even dropped coins and pick them up. I managed to find my credit card in my purse to pay. I also enjoyed a splendid lunch with my friend.

After experiencing a sightless adventures, I became extra grateful for my other senses, especially my hearing.  I could engage in conversation with my friend, hear cars, conversation, enjoy music, and even sense the closeness of objects because of my reliance hearing. Had it not have been for my ears, I would have been at a terrible loss. I also would have felt completely alone and isolated. I learned that day that not being able to hear would be far more depressing than not being able to see.

Have you ever noticed while watching a movie how the music is truly what engages your emotions during the plot? Watching a movie in silence would not have near the affect as even listening to the soundtrack with closed eyes! The music gives away more of the plot in a movie than the visual affects. We can tell a scary event is occurring simply by the change in music. Romantic portions of a movie have certain notes, as well as the heart pounding rush of a man on the run. The music sets the tone for what we see and feel throughout a plot. Movies that are extremely successful are also known for their amazing soundtracks.

Stores also know the power of sound. The music played in Fresh Market sets a tone of elegance and leisure while a store like Best Buy monopolizes on the latest hits to emphasize the modern tone of their store. Restaurants often play music that will either speed people up on their eating experience, or cause them to relax and slow down a bit. What sounds we hear in various places are not put there haphazardly, but with careful thought to the impact those sound will have on our psychology. 

In the home, sound is also a crucial player in ministering to our souls. Just like the sights of our home must be thought out as discussed in The Ministry of Sight in the Home, so it is important for us homemakers to set the auditory atmosphere in our home. As a Christian, I strive to have sound in my home that allow the soul to be free and at ease to seek God, I also try to eliminate sounds that are disturbing. I find there is more chaos in obnoxious, incoherent, mixtures of sounds than in the chaos of what I see visually. Although sounds in the home, especially with lots of children, can be sometimes difficult to manage, my husband and I work on keeping excessive loudness down inside the home and maintaining peaceful and nurturing audio in conversation and entertainment.

There are a few basic steps I have taken to ensure control what is heard in our home. 

Maintain volume guidelines. This is crucial for every home, but extra difficult the more little people that live in a home. I do believe the volume does have to flex a bit according to the size of the home and the size of the family. We instruct our children to use quieter and keep their volume down while inside the house, but do allow a lot more vocal exuberance when they are outdoors. I have little tolerance for squabbling and whining and fits are simply not tolerated. I have often sent an incessantly fussy child to his or her room with instructions not to return until he or she is done fussing and pleasant to be around again. If that fails, the child in question has signed himself or herself up for an afternoon nap. Sometimes, extreme grumpiness is a result of a poor night sleep or overstimulates the day before, or even the first clue a child isn’t feeling well. A nap has altered many a bad emotional course in our home. Hey…it even works for me!

Build a quiet time into each day. I have built in an hour-two hour quiet time in every day. It is a moment of quiet for myself as well as for each of my children. Even little ones need a social break. Children under five spend the quiet time in their rooms, usually napping. If napping days are past, quiet play is permitted. Each child older than five plays alone and quietly for the one to two hours, usually after lunch I ask each child to pick a spot where he or she is going to be for quiet time. And they gather coloring, toys, or books, art supplies, and nestle in that spot for an hour or so, no TV or electronic devices are permitted. On occasion I will allow quiet group play, like play-doh at the kitchen table or even outdoor play, but the children are not allowed to bother me except for emergencies. They know this quiet time is important for them and to me as well. I can study Scripture, pray, write, take a nap if needed, make phone calls, or catch up on housework. This quiet moment in the day is gold to me. 

Don’t mix too many various sounds. I have a one thing at a time policy for many things in our home. The children play with one toy at a time and pick it up before moving on to another. If I allow nature to take its course, toy after toy would be pulled out, every room would be a disaster by the end of the day. By keeping a “one-toy-out-at-a-time” policy, this does not happen. Sounds are the same way. We do not practice piano while the stereo is on, one will be turned off before engaging in the next sound. 

Allow noise in designated times and places. Yelling and shouting is for outdoors in our home. I do not give the children volume regulations when they play outside, unless they are going out before 9 a.m. of course. There are also certain toys that are specifically outdoor toys…horns and whistles to name two. If those toys are played in the house, I take them away for a while. I am strict about this rule because the volume of noise from a whistle or horn would overwhelm our home. Most battery powered toys today are not as obnoxious as I remember as a child, however musical instruments can border on obnoxious if played with inexperienced hands. I feel it is important for children to explore musical instruments, so do not disband them in the house. We have bells, a recorder and a piano, but all three are not engaged simultaneously. And very often a time limit is imposed for the exceptionally loud “concerts.”

Listen to music and podcasts that draw our hearts into worship and growth in our walk with God, not pull us away from Him or distract us from finding our complete satisfaction and joy in God. I have my favorite podcasting friends I love to listen to on a regular basis. But, I also find worship music and classical music to be my “go-to’s” for daily listening. Those genres minister to my soul more than any other type of music. I admit that Mozart plays in our home the most. I love the intelligent calm my soul receives from listening to Mozart. I find myself able to think better than any other genre. Not everyone is wired the same, so certainly there is plenty of room  for various tastes and needs. My husband can stomach news and weather broadcasts and keeps up on them without too much aggravation. I find the bias and irrelevance too frustrating for my heart and do not keep up with listening to news or political events. This does not mean I am apathetic, but that I simply am very choosy about what I put in my brain. I prefer to read news from selected sources rather than listen to it. I also do not want my children to listen to the news until they are old enough to discern truth from fiction and recognize methods of propaganda. So, we don’t watch or listen to news in our home. Regardless of what we choose to listen to in our home, it should be something we spend time considering and don’t thoughtlessly let our ears hear voices that could impact our souls.

Don’t underestimate the power of silence. Silence is a very wonderful indulgence for our ears. How easy it is to have noise constantly pouring into our souls from our ears, it can be very difficult to “be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10 if we don’t embrace quiet in our lives. As a camp counselor one summer, part of my training was to go out into the woods at night. Woods in the middle of nowhere in the dark of night truly limits ones sense of sight, and I was taught to embrace the sounds of the night. How rarely we actually listen to the world around us! Crickets, bugs crawling on dry leaves, sticks falling from a tree, and the slight rustle of leaves in the breeze… all of what our ears hear points to our amazing Creator and can draw our hearts to worship. Sometimes, only in silence can a soul actually hear what it was made to hear.

Fighting and arguing should be moved from quickly. Scripture commands us in Romans 12:8 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” We are a family of sinners, living in a sinful fallen world, so yes, there are times when the sounds in our home are not beautiful. My children do squabble. They do say hurtful things to each other. They can be very cranky and argumentative. My goal is to nip it quickly. It takes two to disagree, so I usually find the perpetrators and try to discern the reason for the quarrel. Very often, pointing them to Christ is all it takes to re-align their thoughts. “Does what you are doing and saying bring God glory?” Then a hug between the two offenders accompanied with an apology ensues. Giggles often follow as the two try to over-hug. But I do believe humor is a great mood adjuster…making my children partake in a tickle fight or game of making funny faces is very helpful in getting them to change mental directions. I do not want to ignore their squabbles no mater how trifle they seem to me. Disagreements are normal, but it is important to teach children how to handle those situations and how to move past that moment of pain and back into friendship. I do realize not every child is wired to adjust his or her attitude on a dime, but as parents who know our children, we can certainly find ways that work for each of our children, to help them respond in biblical ways to squabbles and hurts. This takes time…years in fact, but it is essential to cultivate in little hearts. Way too many adults have no idea how to handle conflict correctly, leading to broken relationships, divorce, and un-Christlike Christian testimonies. As the post His Grandma Shocked Me describes, it is essential for our grown-up hearts to learn and practice quick make-ups that finish with a dash of warmth. Bitterness, grudges, the silent treatment are immature and godless responses to disagreements and hurts in children just as much as in adults.

Yelling and shouting is for outdoor play and emergencies…that includes Mommy and Daddy. There are occasions for shouting and yelling like: “Stop running into the road!” But very often, I try to keep that sort of volume for emergencies. In our home, we have utilized technology to help keep yelling and shouting to a minimum. We have Amazon Echo in almost every room of our home and find that to be an excellent venue for announcements and intercom chats. I can call children to dinner from my kitchen, without raising my voice. My husband can drop in the children’s rooms and tell them to be quiet at bedtime. It has worked out quite well for us. If I must address a child, firmness is my mode of conversation over volume. I know there can be some very long frustrating days for parents, but to keep an atmosphere of peace and godliness, both my husband and I do our best use firm, serious voices instead of loud, angry voices in addressing those situations that must be dealt with sternly. I want my children to pay attention when I yell, and if I am always yelling, they will quickly learn that it doesn’t matter. so, if I do raise my voice, it is for a matter of upmost urgency and they all look right at me with wide eyes. 

Oh how crucial it is for a home-maker to have mastery over the sounds in her home! Chaos in the ears goes straight to the soul. We can cultivate such beautiful environments for spiritual growth, godly focus, and worship if we purpose what sounds echo throughout the walls of our home. 

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The Ministry of Sight in the Home

Sight is a wonderful sense. There is so much we can behold with our eyes that points to our Creator.

Hearts that find joy and complete satisfaction in God will see everything through wide eyes of amazement in God. I try to cultivate sights in our home that will enrich our amazed hearts. What we see with our eyes, can draw us closer to God and bring us to worship. The sights around us can also aid our hearts to be at rest and allow us to focus on God without distraction. What we see around us has great power to point us to be in wonder of our Heavenly Father.

The contrary is also true that various sights can cause our soul to be troubled. Certain sights can be a distraction from our focus on God. Some things we see with our eyes can give us fear, stress, and anger. There are even sights can be utterly dangerous to our souls if we succumb to temptation through what we see and choose to sin. I try to think through everything in my home…books, wall decor, entertainment, and even order. I want to evaluate the visual affect each room will have on the soul. I want to purpose to use what is seen in our home to draw our souls to Christ and keep us from distraction that would fix our eyes on anything but Christ.

As discussed in: Ministering Through Physical Senses in the Home, The culture of the home does determine a lot about how each person’s home looks. Not everyone is naturally neat and clean. Not everyone has the same taste in decor and style. Not everyone has an eye for beauty in the home. In fact, even if we are good at something, there is always someone who is better at it than we are. Since we are all different, we all have areas in our lives that we need to cultivate and grow, in order to better serve the Lord. Not to be discouraging, but like all areas in our lives, the path of growth in homemaking is endless. It is essential however, that we are on the path of continual learning and changing, and improving our home environment. I have found that the Lord does show me ways I need to grow in my ministry of homemaking. But it is most certainly very important that as makers of homes, we seek ways to purposefully cultivate the inside view of our homes to a place that enhances the light in our soul.

Neat and Clean: I know some people struggle with order more than others, but I cannot impress enough how crucial it is to maintain the home in an orderly way. The standard and ease of order will look different for a woman in her sixties compared to a young mother with three toddlers. But we should all do our best to have patterns of cleanliness and order in the home. If not for our own sake, we must strive for neatness for God and for others.

Sometimes people, I would be one, who get stressed just looking around a home in disarray. I see work to be done and my heart does not feel at peace. My husband also breaths easier when he looks about the house and it is in order. Somehow messes breed a sense of chaos in us. I do not want that feeling in my home, so the solution is to pick it up and teach my children how to pick up after themselves…certainly a work in progress. There are those, who are at peace with mess. That is a good thing, but that does not mean the mess should be left because one is at peace with it.

Our home is not about us, but about God. The home is a tool God has entrusted to our care. If everything was just about us, we could do as we please, but the point is that our lives are about God, as is our home. We need to treat it with respect for the One who placed the home under our care. We can minister to souls with our home in good order.

If I think of chaotic noise, for instance simultaneously a trumpet being practiced in one room, the stereo playing rock and roll playing loudly while children squeal and dance, and a blender on in the kitchen… the chaos of sound can be very disturbing to the soul and prevent the soul from being still and knowing God. Visual chaos has the same affect as visual sound on the soul. Just like we need audio quiet, we need visual quiet to aid in the stilling our souls. Order is primary, but so is simplicity. Too much going on visually can take place in a neat and clean room that simply is filled with too much stuff. Like five Mozart sonatas playing simultaneously. Only one is needed, too much of even a good thing is chaos. So, decreasing clutter is also vital in maintaining the visual peace in our homes. Note: Many books have been written on the subject, but I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s Book: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Although I do not embrace all of the concepts in her book, many of the principles in the book are truly life changing.

Scripture on the walls of every room: I absolutely love Scripture verses everywhere in my home. My mother always had Scripture posted on the walls of our home as we grew up, and I have found it invaluable. My mother would write out verses on 3×5 cards and tape them around light switches. I will paint verses on canvas, buy prints with Scripture, or yes, I do stick verses around on 3×5 cards as needed. My goal is to have Scripture in every room of our house. I see Scripture as of primary importance as seek to keep it close by. In Deuteronomy 6:6-9, God commands the Israelite’s to value it and keep it before them:

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Psalm 119 also emphasizes the importance of God’s Word over and over. As a home-maker who desires God above all, I like Scripture to be in every room. It is good to have it always in sight for pondering.

Reminders of God’s Goodness: Wedding pictures, family pictures, and sentimental keepsakes can be helpful to remind us of how blessed we are. I also have enjoyed keeping a chalkboard on the wall in our kitchen to write down various things we are thankful for. It is so much easier to complain than to see the world through eyes of gratitude. And to keep our heart fixed on God and His goodness, I like to see and point out the sentimental reminders of the goodness of God in our lives…yearly photo books with images of what God did in a year, a clay vase my late Grandpa made, beautiful paintings of nature, and family photos on the walls…all point my heart to remember how good and gracious God is to me in my undeserving state. He has given me these temporal earthly blessings of family, material goods, and creation so that I might glorify Him. Putting those things on display in my home is a good thing.

Visual Calm: Although I do not embrace the new age belief of the energy of Feng Shui, I do love the concepts I have learned from books on the subject. Creating open, free spaces is truly an art I can utilize effectively in my home to give visual ease to the eyes.  I am not naturally gifted in home decorating despite classes on the subject. I have to play around with a room for a while before settling on wall hangings, window treatments, and furniture arrangements. I do find having a flow of online and library resources is helpful in my quest to bring more visual harmony to each room of my home. It is very much an area I feel is important to press on in my learning.  Simple touches like candles, a crackling fire. fresh flowers, open windows, natural light, and empty spaces are helpful creating an atmosphere that welcomes growth, fellowship, worship, rest, and healing for the soul.

Wholesome entertainment and books: Having wholesome viewing and reading material easily accessible is also a valuable  asset in our home. My husband and I carefully consider the viewing material we allow our children and we are also careful to choose books that enhance, and do not degrade the work of God. Now this topic can be stretched into its own post. But in short synopses, we do our best to choose material that will draw our hearts closer to the Lord and do not cause our hearts to be tempted. Although sin is most certainly from the heart, I do believe that our eyes do play a first hand role in allowing our hearts to be tempted. It isn’t completely unavoidable, but, it is most certainly something I have more control to curb inside the walls of our home than anywhere else. I have notes to indulge in this topic further in the future. 

For now, those five little concepts are my primary goals for visually preparing a space for Spiritual rest and growth as well as setting up guideposts that point to the Lord in our home. By thoughtfully arranging the sights of the home, it is possible to create an atmosphere that welcomes our soul to worship, rest, and focus on the Lord. I am absolutely learning more about how to do that best in our home. And always adapting as I learn. I welcome any further thoughts on this subject.

 

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Creating Selfless Valentine Traditions

Since I was a little girl, I learned to love Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day meant cheesecake, heart shaped cookies, and crafts with ribbons, paper doilies and lace. I don’t remember my parents always escaping alone for a date on the day. Very often it was a family celebration and we invited grandparents and friends to join us in eating cheesecake.

A few days before Valentine’s Day, my mother made the habit of setting all of us up at a table covered with stickers, glue, and red and pink paper. We spent time making Valentine’s Cards for our siblings, parents, and anyone who would be alone…widows, unmarried, and divorced friends and kin. Then she would mail them off. It wasn’t until I was in college, that I realized many people saw Valentines’s Day as “Single Awareness Day” and I had many friends who wore black because they were single and hurting. It was then that what my mother did, struck me as something truly special.

So, I continued the tradition and tried to reach out to lonely people I knew around the heart shaped holiday. As I married and had children, my children now create Valentine’s Cards to share with others…even strangers we cross during our grocery shopping trips. When my children were really small, they made stacks…and handed them out to everyone at church. Now, I mail the child created Valentines off to various souls, give them away to neighbors and friends at church and we still have more than we need.

More than we need…

Just like the love our heavenly Father has poured out on us overflows our cup of need, so I like to share His love with neighbors and friends who could use a little extra love this month as they may feel a little extra lonely.

Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture. Whether it is the sweet little lady we brush carts with in the grocery store, or the young mother carrying her new baby in a wrap close to her chest. Everyone struggles with feeling alone. Perhaps a little paper heart, or a chocolate cupcake and note helps can help those struggling hearts see a bit of the endless love poured out on us. February the 14th can be an incredible excuse to share a bit of the love that has been shown to me by my Savior. Because truly, I have more than I need.

The Lord appeared to him[a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jer. 31:3

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Cuddle Prayers

As each year of motherhood passes, I find myself challenged to pray more for my children. As a mother of four children, the youngest still being two, I find quiet time to prayer very difficult to schedule. I work in Bible study but for some reason I find it easier to drop and pick up a study in Scripture than a thought in prayer. As I have asked the Lord for wisdom about my need to spend more time in prayer for my children, I was expecting a revolutionary idea about how to fit an hour or two into my day for prayer. But instead, verses came to mind, convicting me about my inconsistent prayer life.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18  “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Colosians 4:2 “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The prophet, Daniel, has always pricked to my heart by his testimony of faithfulness in prayer. Daniel 6:10 “When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously.” Even the threat of death should not deter my heart from faithful devotion to prayer. Since my faith can be freely lived out, I certainly have no excuse NOT to pray with consistent faithfulness.

Prayer is not something to only set aside for moment of quiet, but to be a thread woven into every thought and event throughout the tapestry of every day. Prayer for my children can easily be incorporated as I interact with them throughout the day. I can pray not only for my children, but with them, during disciplinary moments, around school lessons, before bed, at mealtimes. 

As I have worked through these thoughts, I have found that snuggle moments are amazing opportunities to lift my children’s hearts to the Lord…my husband too! 

All of my children LOVE to cuddle. When they wake up in the morning, each one of them is hungry to curl up in a groggy stupor and sit with me for a bit until their brains get in gear. These moments are wonderful times for me silently whisper cries to God for drawing their little hearts to Himself. It also helps me as a mother to be reminded of the eternal purpose I have been given in mothering each of the dear little souls entrusted to me.

Throughout the day, I am provided with other moments of snuggling with my children, rocking my tot for nap time, holding an injured little girl until her hurt fades, taking a momentary break to squeeze one of my little girls before we begin reading lessons, a long hug after discipline, after a nap, or during times of illness…the day is full of such moments that I now use for prayer. 

As my children lay down their heads for sleep at night, another opportunity to snuggle arrives. I like to spend a moment with each child to chat, read, or simply snuggle. Sometimes we pray out-loud together, sometimes I pray out-loud for them, sometimes, a silent heartfelt prayer fills my soul. But I like to pray for each little one under my care before they fall to sleep.

So, yes, I have found snuggle prayers to be a day-altering habit for me. Prayer for my children helps me as a mother maintain an eternal focus. I also have found, that it is easy for me as a mother to feel like the burden of child-raising, home-schooling, health, is on my shoulders, and I NEED to fall into the arms of my Savior and “snuggle” with Him throughout the day. I can rest in Him completely to do what is best in my children’s lives, to give me wisdom as a mama, and to hold the burdens I feel I must carry as a mother. He, after all, loves my children far more than I do. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

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Little Whos are People Too

“Come on little whos, let’s hurry to the car!” I tried to hurry my four children into the van after an afternoon library trip. Their arms were full of as many books as they could carry. The wind had brought an autumn chill to the air. And each child was stammering complaints, hunched over; their arms full of books while they sluggishly moved toward the van in the parking lot.

“My little whos”… sigh… I often find myself latching onto temporary pet names for my children. Often a made up word rolls off my tongue… “Peetalpie,” “Bottlebee” or “Pumpkin Heart” It is literally whatever is on my mind in any given moment.

Lately, my children have been called “Whos.” Anyone familiar with the story, Horton Hears a Who, written by Theodor Seuss Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss, is also familiar with the quote, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” The speck of the city of Whoville, filled with microscopic people called Whos, has become iconic to all Dr. Suess fans.

For me, calling my children “whos” began very much by accident, but as I have caught myself recently using that particular pet name, I have been pondering how important it is for to me to see each of my children, and every child with whom I interact, as a true person, complete with feelings, understanding, and heart.

So often, like most Mamas, I neglect seeing my little ones as people. I see children as responsibilities, sometimes interruptions or inconveniences, sometimes loads of fun and cuteness; certainly minds and bodies to be trained and tended… but yet… despite any perception I might be currently feeling toward my child, my underlying focus must be to be aware of that child’s person-hood.

It is essential that I look into those little eyes and listen to the chatter of the soul within. I am not talking of a child centered version of parenting, or a mama loosing her identity as Mother and becoming simply a buddy with her child.

I am valuing the intentional engagement of a child as a person. Treating a child as a visible and an aware being, is essential to raising children who behave responsibly and grow up. Not demeaning, ignoring, or talking over a child are part of that concept. It is also important to engage a child in grown-up concerns, thoughts, and responsibilities, as well as seriously engaging in a child’s little world of cares, play, and thrills.

I have found that when I perceive my children as persons, my conversation and expectations follow suit.

There are many ways an adult can show value to a child’s person hood.

A real person has feelings, fears, struggles, hard things (yes, even little ones!), frustrations, perspectives, ideas, awareness…

A child who is not treated like a person is perceived as a lower grade than an adult, feelings are not considered, what the child sees and hears about himself or herself is what is heard about Him instead of to him. A child is belittled. A child is ignored. Basic greetings and etiquette are not given to a child, nor expected from a child. Essentially, a child is endured, trained, and educated, yes, even loved, but not truly known or enjoyed. I do not want that to be my children. Have I failed? Often do and still will. But, I strive to value my little whos for the precious individuals God created them to be.

I have found a few helpful thoughts and actions can practically aid in my desire to see past the height and current development of my child and into the person they are.

1) Inclusion into the events of my world. I like my children to know what is going on in my life. I don’t sneak or hide situations from them for convenience sake. For instance, I have often had a friend or even both Jim and I, friends, over in an evening after the children’s bedtime. I do tell my children that someone is coming over after they are in bed. Yes, they would not know the difference if I didn’t tell them, but it makes good conversation the next morning as my little whos inquire how my evening went, and if I had a good visit. They are a part of my life and I want them to know I will be visiting after they are in bed should they need me, as well as being aware of what is going on. I also want them to respect me as a person and my need for friendships and time with others. Everyone doesn’t exists for my children and my life belongs to God and His work, which includes my children but is not exclusively about them.

2) Providing information on life events is also important. When children are not yet readers, they have no way of knowing what is happening. I like to read to them a lot, from grocery store adds to signs on the road. I also like them to be informed about the happenings in our family life a few days in advance…if we are going to get groceries, a doctor appointment, a weekend at Grandma’s house. I want them to have as few surprises in life as possible, so I try to keep them in the loop as much as I am able.

5) Being transparent with a child is a communication opener. I must be honest in conversation and let them know I am also human. I let them know when I am having a hard day. I apologize when I am grumpy and unreasonable…or simply wrong in my judgement. I let them know areas in my life that the Lord is working on me. We talk about it. It interests them. They grow from seeing my humanness and I find it breaks down walls and opens conversations into discussing their humanness.

6) Make eye contact during conversations. As adults, we respect and value friends who truly care about us. Those are the ones we know listen when we speak. Those friends who ask how we are doing and really want to know… Why? Because true friends focus on what we say. As a mother, part of raising my children is listening to them. Yes, the little ramblings of their hearts may seem shallow and sweet to me now, but how often I have landed in a deeper, heartfelt conversation with my child, because I took a moment to look in their eye and ingest their ramblings!

7) Don’t talk about a child as though he or she is invisible while that child is standing in ear-shot, hearing every word. Doctor appointments are sometimes the most difficult for me, because I am there to inform the doctor about any concerns I have with my child, while my child is in the room! Awkward! In general, I do not talk about my children while they are in the room. I do my best to include them in the conversation I am having with someone.

8) Do not let a child defer responsibility to Mama. I do not consider it selfish to make my children think of me or apologize to me for causing me inconvenience. If my child causes a mess that I have to pick up, I point out how inconsiderate that was of her or him, and demand their apology. I also stress that they care for other humans in need, even each other. I don’t want them to see the trouble of someone else, like a sibling, as Mommy’s responsibility, but theirs as well. For instance, if one of my daughters falls on the sidewalk, while her sister is swinging on a swing a few feet away, the sissy who is swinging needs to rush to injured sissy’s aid. I have some children that see the needs of others more readily than others. I have had to teach my children to rush to help, not wait for mommy, but be responsible themselves. I often find now, that my children run to each other for consolation and a bandage instead of mommy. It does my heart good to finish fold my laundry and be greeted by two of my girls, one who has already been bandaged up and tears dried, as they inform me of how the scrape occurred. Taking personal responsibility others in  trouble is compassion. As well as taking responsibility for ones own messes is important. I am potty training my little son. He is doing well, but still has occasional accidents. If he has an accident, I have trained him to come get me, but it is his job to clean up his own poop. I don’t do it. I might sanitize after he is done, but he needs to learn to clean up his own messes as much as he is able. If a child makes a mess they are incapable of setting right…a broken dish for instance. I do ask them to apologize to me for the broken dish and extra work. If they are able, and it is safe, I will include them in helping me clean or repair the damage done.

9) Include children in the hard things. Children should understand death, suffering, pain, trauma, and poverty, are all a part of life. I do not shelter my children from such things at any age. As much as I am able, I include my children in hospital visits, funerals, and in prayer for those we know who are in crisis. I never underestimate the prayers of a child. It is also invaluable for them to learn how to respond and treat others during hard times. Even as an adult, I am still figuring out how to respond to various situations, so what I learn, I pass on to my children. I like include them in real life scenarios from birth, and do not believe it is healthy to shelter them from the rough stuff in life.

10) Keeping my word is essential to building trust and dependency with adults as well as children. So many adults give false promises or even threats to their children. It is easy to say words like “We are going home if you act out one more time” But with three other children and a doctor appointment in an hour, keeping that promise is going to cause a lot of trouble, or it won’t be kept. Even, ” Grandpa and Grandma are coming in a couple days,” Can be cause for confusion should they get sick and be unable to make it. So, I do my best to consider the promises or warnings I give my children. I do not commit to anything I am unable to fulfill. I say “maybe” and “we will see.” lot… Life is uncertain, so I like to leave a lot of open ends in our plans in case God changes things. My children have become familiar with the phrase, “If God says “yes” or “no” … we don’t know yet.” I also do not make many promises to my children. Nothing is for certain, and I as an adult am still trying to live in that mindset.

11) My favorite part of treating my child as a person is engaging in the amazing wonderments and thoughts of their little minds. I engage in every question, no matter how personal or complicated. I do not shelve subjects for a later time or date. I believe every question can be answered with an age appropriate response. If my five year old daughter want to know how babies begin inside, I simply say that “God works a beautiful miracle and puts a tiny person inside a mommy.” My six-year-old asked once why God created His enemy Satan, which caused me to read up a bit and led into an amazing discussion about the gospel and a God who planned redemption before creation. I love the questions my children have, and do my best to capture the moment, not making them wait until they are older or find the answer impersonally from another source.

12) Etiquette is showing love to others including little others. I try to be polite in front of my children! I don’t “let it go” while they are about. I say “please” and “thank-you” to them. Now, I might spend some time rolling around on the floor in a tickle frenzy with them, but that doesn’t mean I am “not” a lady. I find the foundation of every etiquette book I have read to simply be,loving others. What shows the best consideration and kindness to someone else in a given moment is what is polite. I do insist my children show the best kindness they can to others as well. “Please” and “Thank you” are required, as is “good morning.” I make a point to greet all of my children cheerfully each day with “good morning.” They naturally return the greeting. For meals, we sit at the table and converse while we eat. I do not allow my littlest children to run about while the rest of the family eats dinner. If a child is done eating early, I ask them to look around, “Daddy is not done, Mommy is not done, sissy is not done…you can sit and wait….tell Daddy something you learned in school today.” My children have learned to ask to leave the table. One does not just get up when he or she is done and leave the room. My children even ask if they can get something during the meal like salt or some more water… we are all learning, little by little, what it means to be considerate of others and how very important that is.

13) I never ever, ever lie to my children or allow my children a lie. I realize this may be a controversial subject to some mothers. But, this is simply what I do and why. I do teach my children there are lies that exist. For instance, we don’t lie to our children about Santa Clause. They know Santa is used in the celebration of Christmas, especially by people who don’t know Christ. We don’t avoid storybooks or movies about him, but we make sure our children know Santa is not real, and we do not include him in our celebration of Christmas, and our children know why. We do the same with the tooth fairy. Our children happily announce that their Daddy is the tooth fairy. I also tell my children about the lie of evolution. Saying that there are people who do not believe in God and need an explanation for how the world began instead of by God, so evolution has been that lie for many years. Telling my children a lie, and telling them about a lie are very different in my mind. There are many lies out their from body image to immorality that my children will encounter. I do not need to add to that by lying to my children. And honestly, it is just as equal a sin to lie to an adult just as it is to a child. Deceit is a lie as well. I do not intentionally trick or deceive my children into doing something. I do not make up quippy answers to their sincere questions either. Even in fun, lying can be harmful. How often has someone said something in jest that hurt. That person can brush it off as just a joke and blame me for taking it wrong, but it hurt. Either it was untrue and should not have been said, or it was true and the idea it was a joke was a lie.

Those are truly a few of the various methods I find helpful to treat my little whos as people. I honestly owe much of my thinking on the subject to my mother who was a shining example in treating me as a person…no matter how small. She often told me how important it was for her to say “goodbye” to her children before leaving them in a church nursery or with a sitter. She never scooted off while we were occupied. She treated even her little blabbering babies with common respect.

I realize, seeing from the perspective of a little mind, body, and heart can be challenging for some, and even I who endeavor to show the respect of person-hood to my children, fail so often. But I am comforted that it is not entirely impossible, because we were all little whos once too. And in God’s eyes, we will always be little, yet with such gentleness, tenderness, and compassion He leads us!

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Precious Crazy, Messy Days

It is 10:30 a.m. He woke up early from his morning nap today…nothing unusual.

The little fellow needs immediate attention with his diaper. Once freed, he is off, but not for long. He boomerangs back to me, squeals in delight, and grabs onto my leg in a delightful hug.

With my little barnacle squeezing my leg, I begin to fold a pile of laundry, using the master bed as my folding table. My little tot sticks around, of course, and cheerfully begins to “help” me with the laundry. He pulls a folded towel off the bed and drops it on the floor. I refold it, put it back on the bed, with a firm “no, no.” But he is no longer in the room. He has already taken off with a couple of folded washcloths and tossed them over the banister and down the stairs. I tell him firmly that he must go get them. He peeks down the stairs and doesn’t see them. Toddlers are so bad at seeing what you want them to see. So I take him to the stairs and point out each washcloth. He squeals like they are a great discovery and takes off collecting them. He keeps looking up at me to make sure I am watching this venture. In a minute he is climbing back up the stairs with questionably clean laundry in hand. He grunts more and more as he gets closer to the top. Apparently, it is terribly difficult to get up the stairs holding a couple washcloths in one hand. Odd, he has no trouble toting his blankie up and down the stairs… I reach down and take the cloths from him. Then return to my work of folding.

A few minutes later, the little buddy returns, squealing. He snatches another item off the bed and takes off giggling. Before I can catch him, a pillowcase hits the floor downstairs. A game is afoot. I tell him to go get it. He scurries off to oblige me. He then stands mid stairs grunting and reaching up with the pillowcase in hand. Somehow, he couldn’t take another step out of exhaustion. I am assuming the pillowcase was extremely heavy. I clamber reach down to grab the missing piece and refold it. I catch him the next time he reaches to grab something off the bed, and I put a stop to his fun. I snatch him in one arm and my basket of folded laundry in my other arm and we head downstairs. On the way down, my little tyke spots a sock on the steps that he missed picking up. He is determined to take it all the way back upstairs to put it away. Why wasn’t he so eager when I was at the top of the stairs instead of the bottom? I let him return the sock and quickly try to get the folded laundry put in the right places before he returns.

It is lunchtime. I shred up a block of parmesan to make chicken alfredo for the children’s lunch. I give my little fellow a small pile of shredded parmesan cheese. He devours it all and asks for more. After a few helpings, I hear him say “uh-oh.” I turn to look, and there he is, holding shredded cheese over the floor and dropping it like snow on the floor. I scold him, but too late of course. I now have a couple tablespoons of cheese on the floor to sweep up. So, I get the little pot out of his chair, brush both him and his chair down, then walk to the closet to get my broom. When I return within the same minute, there is my little tottle, laying face down in the cheese, licking the floor. I pick him up, brush him off again, tell him “no.” I begin to sweep the floor. I take the dustpan around the counter to the trash to empty it. When I return, the little fellow has skipped town with my broom. I pursue the broom and find it alone on the floor of the den without a tot. He has discovered something interesting to watch outside and is at the window, pressing his little fingets to the glass. I leave him, collect the broom and call the children to lunch.

After lunch, I gave my children a cookie while I cleaned up the kitchen. I am wiping down the counter when I feel something attach itself to my leg. I look down and two chocolate covered hands are grabbing onto my legs and a gooey smile is looking up at me. As I bend to clean up the chocolaty child, a potent smell, that was not chocolate, wafts from the child’s diaper. Time for another diaper change! I go to the bathroom drawer where I keep diapers. My little guy spots the diaper in my hand and takes off giggling. The chase is on. I play along and I capture the squealing, laughing, dirty little boy and get him all cleaned up…both the diaper and the chocolate.

Once free from my care, he opens a kitchen cupboard and entertains himself by pulling out my pots. I let him amuse himself safety in the kitchen while I go to switch laundry loads. As soon as I return to the kitchen, I am greeted by squeals from my three older daughters. My little boy is up on a stool and standing nose to nose in front of the tv, blocking everyone’s view from the show they were watching. I pull him down and plop him back on the floor telling him “No, that is not kind.” He giggles and then trots off. I ask him to trot back and put my pots away. Picking up is ever so tedious for little people. He obliges and begins to put the pots back into the cupboard. I can see this is going to take him some time, so I take the laundry basket upstairs to fold. Working quickly and hoping to get the folding done before I am discovered.

When I return to the kitchen, the cupboard doors are left open and the pots are tucked inside in a haphazard stack. I hear a happy screech. I turn around and there is my little toddle. He is standing by a once clean white wooden stool; a blue crayon in his hand. He proudly wants me to see the blue artwork he had put all over the white stool. This is a first. He had used crayons on paper, but supervised. I firmly explain that we only color on paper, not furniture or walls. And then pull out a sheet of paper for him to use. After a minute or two of scribbling on a piece of paper, he is bored.

I am not though, I now have pots to straighten up, crayon to wipe off, and still some laundry to fold… and was there something else? Oh yes, washing dishes from lunch… I will leave the fingerprints on the window for another day… I look at the clock hoping it is nap time again…It is only 12:30 in the afternoon…

Someday, I will fold laundry in silence without squeeling helpful company. Someday, I will make lunch without interuptions. Someday, I will not have chocolate stains on my pants from grubby little hands. Someday, I will not chase a little child around the house to change a poopy diaper. Someday, my cupboards will be in order, just the way I left them. Someday, there will be no misplaced coloring to clean up. Someday, there will be no more little fingerprints on my windows. Someday, the house will be quiet and in order. And Oh how my heart aches at that thought, for I will ever so much miss these precious, crazy, messy, days!

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Raising Daughters in a Fashion Doll World

Saying “no” is very much an easy solution in dealing with child training. No, we do not do sleepovers. No, you are not taking ballet lessons. No, we do not allow fashion dolls in our home. No, you can’t have any candy. A dear mentor of mine encouraged me to be a mother who tries to say “yes.” Saying “no” can be an easy solution, but it can also shut down doors to teaching opportunities and experiences where my children can grow. So, I am learning that very often there are ways to say “yes” to things within biblical perimeters. I am not saying that my answer is “yes” to everything, but I try not to give an immediate “no” until I have thought something through.

I had a Barbie doll for a short time as a child. I truly enjoyed playing with it. But after having concerns with the impact the unrealistic image that doll could have on me, my parents choose to substitute my doll with another toy of my choice.

Like many young women, I did have a season where I struggled with having a godly perspective about the shape and weight of my body. I don’t believe playing with a Barbie doll had nearly much influence as the conversations and perspectives of the friends I listened to at that time in my life. But as a result of my struggle, even before I was married, I decided I would never let the world influence my daughters about what their body should or should not look like. I never wanted my children to own a fashion doll.

I truly was naïve then, in thinking I could protect my daughters from being critical of the body God gave them by not allowing them to play with a Barbie doll. And I wasn’t brilliant to think I had power to protect them from ever being exposed to worldly influences. At some point, my children will be exposed to the influences of the world. I can choose if I will be the person to discuss things with them or not. If I don’t address issues with them, it will be someone else who will. I have come to realize that I am unable to protect my children from the world, but I am able to prepare them how to respond biblically when they do encounter worldly perspectives. I actually fail in teaching my children how to think biblically if I protect my children from the exposure to the evil around them. They will be in shock and unable to grapple with what is out there if they are faced with it when they are on their own. I must make it a point to gradually, and purposefully address issues like body image with them while I am able. I currently have control of when and how they are exposed to things right now and I can teach them how to interact and perceive worldly influences in light of Scripture. Or I can even to allow another trusted adult, like a grandparent, Auntie, or godly older woman to also to be a part in the development of my daughter’s Spiritual development.

Allowing my daughters to play with fashion dolls is a perfect opportunity to teach them how to think and play appropriately with clothing and dolls, without being influenced by the image the doll portrays. Fashion dolls can be a great way for little girls to learn how to make and design clothes that are modest and creative. My girls also can learn how to fix hairstyles by playing with the doll’s hair. I consider incorporating fashion dolls into my girl’s lives as an asset.

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This is what I do. I buy used Bratz dolls. I take time to repaint and make them into child friendly wholesome faced dolls, instead of the seductive, dolls they are. A few years ago, I came across an amazing up-cycled version of fashion dolls by an Australian Artist, Sonia Singh. Sonia remakes the gaudy dolls into something lovely. She freely shares her methods and patterns about how to do that yourself. I spent time learning what she did and made dolls for my daughters from her website, Tree Change Dolls, and her printable instructions on Etsy. I have been able to create sweet faced fashion dolls for my daughters thanks to Sonia’s printables. For instance, the little blond doll pictured above is the same blond doll pictured at the top of this blog post. It is true! Following Sonia’s instructions, I can easily make footwear, hairstyles, faces, and clothes. It is incredible fun to be a part of the doll’s transformation and I know my daughters will enjoy repainting their own dolls in time.

My other concern with fashion dolls is finding them around the house with nothing on. I want to teach my children that it is wise to cover up and be discreet. So, my next step for the dolls is to make permanent swimsuits for them. The swimsuit will be stitched on and my girls can change their doll’s clothes, without the doll ever being completely undressed.

Fashion dolls can be used in an incredible way in my daughters’ lives to teach them about discretion, appropriateness, and modesty. As my daughters get older, I know they will also be able to learn how to create outfits for their dolls. So, the dolls will play a role in allowing my daughters to be creative with clothing learn some sewing skills, and have simple fun playing with fashion that is not over sexed. So instead of telling my daughter’s “no.” I have found a way to use a worldly toy to the advantage of teaching my children biblical principles, homemaking skills, and art.

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Savoring the Smudges

Six years ago, when my oldest child was still tottering around, we went to visit my parents for a week. As our visit came to an end, I began cleaning up and packing to go home. I noticed my daughter had left hand prints and smudges all over my parents’ sliding glass door. I was about to wash them off, when my Mother insisted I leave them there. A month later, she told me Emma’s smudges were still on the window. She was cherishing them.

Motherhood gets busy, I agree, but as all mothers are aware, the pattering of little feet around the house will someday be gone. Someday there will be no more squeals and silliness. There will be no more little voices constantly asking for food. Children grow up. That is what is meant to happen. That is what I want to happen. But in the meantime, I need to be savoring the moments of little lives in my home, not just trying to get by or make it through the day.

A few years ago, my husband gave me a mill to grind wheat. It was something I had wanted for a long time. I love that mill, and have used it to grind wheat, oats, and flax. It is one of my favorite kitchen tools. What if I never took the time to enjoy the mill? Maybe I decided it took more time than I thought it would, so I loaned it out to others or just stored it in the cupboard, and never enjoyed it myself. Or perhaps, if every time I did use the mill, I got upset because it made a mess, was too loud, or took too long grind the wheat into usable flour. How I treat that mill shows if my heart is truly grateful. If I complain or do not use the gift of the mill, I am certainly not it. My lack of enjoyment in the mill would not only be an insult to my husband who so generously gave me the gift, but I would miss out on the joy the mill brings through the amazing, flavorful, freshly ground grains it provides. Motherhood is a gift. We are insulting our Father who so graciously gave us the blessing of children when we fail to enjoy the little ones He entrusted to our care. Yes, it might not look like what we expected. Children are messy, loud, and require much patience. But they are a gift from God. They are ours to enjoy and cherish for the short season God allows us to hold them close.

Culture is increasingly pressuring us as Christian’s to see children as anything but the biblical blessing they are. Children are perceived as the boss of the home. Children are seen as monsters. Children are limited due to their expense. Having a child is more like a having commodity than a living precious soul. The lives of unborn babies are discarded at will. Children in our culture are not treasured for God, but for selfish reasons of parents. Parents are prideful, selfish, and demanding of children. As a result of unbiblical perspectives on children, parenting is not purposed and done with intent, but coped and “fumbled-through.” If I rest on an unbiblical view of children, I am unable to fully enjoy my children. Not that I have to accompany my children on every adventure, but that I open my ears to the sounds of their squeals during play while I wash the dishes. I also need to patiently, and gently answer to the incessant “mommy.” And every time I wash little prints off the windows, I rejoice in the precious little hands that put them there. Mothering is a sacred, God ordained privilege. “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” Psalm 127:3.

We mothers are tired. We are stressed. We are full of self-guilt. We are sickly. We are worried and fearful. We are busy. We are frustrated. We are cranky. We are human-sinful creatures. Enjoying our children is something we have to purpose to do, because it is not always a nature inclination. I always wondered why Paul instructed the older women in the church to teach the younger women “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children” Titus 2:4. Isn’t motherly love a natural thing? Why does it need to be taught? As other women have shown me, we love our husbands and children, yes, but how we love our children is what we need to learn. We need to learn the right way to love our children. We need to learn how to correctly show love to our husband and children. The major aspect of showing love to our children, is to simply enjoy them.

How do I enjoy my children? Well, Just like I enjoy my grain mill. First of all, I take the time. I purpose to use it. So with children, I take the time. I purpose times with them throughout the day. We go for a walk, we chat about life during breakfast and lunch, I give them random hugs and snuggles. I purpose to spend time with them in their world. This does not mean I manage them. No, I go with their flow, their serious little conversations, I spend time building a relationship with them, not just being “mom.”

I also pause and take in the moments of my children’s little lives. The sound of the mill grinding away is a happy sound to me. I like to hear the mill as it churns and crunches. So, I keep my senses open to my children. I smell their oily little heads, I listen to their sweet little baby sounds and little voices, and soak in their little snuggles, I stare at them while they sleep.

And yes, the mill makes a dusty mess. But it never once troubled me. I am so grateful to have it. I simply wipe up the mess and move on. So it is with my children’s messes. We clean them up and move on. My relationship with my child is far more important than the mess of an accidently spilled jug of tea all over the kitchen floor. Enjoying my children cannot happen, if I am overwhelmed or frustrated by the messes they make. I can’t allow myself to become absorbed in the mess, but must absorb myself in the joy of raising mess-makers. Children are not always a delight, but we as mothers can consciously work to enjoy them even when they are unpleasant. I have often put my arm around one of my little grumpies and told her that “I love you even when you are grumpy.” I can do that, because of the gospel. Someone choose to love me when I was grumpy. “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8. It always comes back to the gospel doesn’t it? I can truly enjoy being the mother of little sinners, all because I am a sinner, and God perused me out of His boundless grace.

As I battle to maintain a biblical perspective on motherhood. I can truly enjoy the blessing of being a mother. I don’t do it alone. I rest completely in the grace and new mercy poured out on my life daily. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” Lamentations 3:22-23. God has bestowed upon my life all the grace I need to do what He has given me to do. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me” I Corinthians 15:10. It is not my work, but the work of God through me, moment by moment. I can truly enjoy being a mother of sinners, because I delight in My God who rescued me from my sin. In that thought is joy. So today, I am going to wash windows, and rejoice.