Category: Family

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The Ministry of Sound in the Home

Sound is probably the most important human sense.

I took a special needs psychology course in college and was challenged to go out in public for several hours without the use of one of my senses. I choose to go without sight. I believed sight would be the most difficult sense to go without and wanted to experience what it would be like not to see.

So, I put band-aids and sunglasses over my eyes and had a friend drive me to the grocery store and then a restaurant for dinner. I thought not having sight would be far more challenging than it was. I was surprised that I could navigate my way through the store using my senses of sound and touch. I was able to pick out items I needed. I even dropped coins and pick them up. I managed to find my credit card in my purse to pay. I also enjoyed a splendid lunch with my friend.

After experiencing a sightless adventures, I became extra grateful for my other senses, especially my hearing.  I could engage in conversation with my friend, hear cars, conversation, enjoy music, and even sense the closeness of objects because of my reliance hearing. Had it not have been for my ears, I would have been at a terrible loss. I also would have felt completely alone and isolated. I learned that day that not being able to hear would be far more depressing than not being able to see.

Have you ever noticed while watching a movie how the music is truly what engages your emotions during the plot? Watching a movie in silence would not have near the affect as even listening to the soundtrack with closed eyes! The music gives away more of the plot in a movie than the visual affects. We can tell a scary event is occurring simply by the change in music. Romantic portions of a movie have certain notes, as well as the heart pounding rush of a man on the run. The music sets the tone for what we see and feel throughout a plot. Movies that are extremely successful are also known for their amazing soundtracks.

Stores also know the power of sound. The music played in Fresh Market sets a tone of elegance and leisure while a store like Best Buy monopolizes on the latest hits to emphasize the modern tone of their store. Restaurants often play music that will either speed people up on their eating experience, or cause them to relax and slow down a bit. What sounds we hear in various places are not put there haphazardly, but with careful thought to the impact those sound will have on our psychology. 

In the home, sound is also a crucial player in ministering to our souls. Just like the sights of our home must be thought out as discussed in The Ministry of Sight in the Home, so it is important for us homemakers to set the auditory atmosphere in our home. As a Christian, I strive to have sound in my home that allow the soul to be free and at ease to seek God, I also try to eliminate sounds that are disturbing. I find there is more chaos in obnoxious, incoherent, mixtures of sounds than in the chaos of what I see visually. Although sounds in the home, especially with lots of children, can be sometimes difficult to manage, my husband and I work on keeping excessive loudness down inside the home and maintaining peaceful and nurturing audio in conversation and entertainment.

There are a few basic steps I have taken to ensure control what is heard in our home. 

Maintain volume guidelines. This is crucial for every home, but extra difficult the more little people that live in a home. I do believe the volume does have to flex a bit according to the size of the home and the size of the family. We instruct our children to use quieter and keep their volume down while inside the house, but do allow a lot more vocal exuberance when they are outdoors. I have little tolerance for squabbling and whining and fits are simply not tolerated. I have often sent an incessantly fussy child to his or her room with instructions not to return until he or she is done fussing and pleasant to be around again. If that fails, the child in question has signed himself or herself up for an afternoon nap. Sometimes, extreme grumpiness is a result of a poor night sleep or overstimulates the day before, or even the first clue a child isn’t feeling well. A nap has altered many a bad emotional course in our home. Hey…it even works for me!

Build a quiet time into each day. I have built in an hour-two hour quiet time in every day. It is a moment of quiet for myself as well as for each of my children. Even little ones need a social break. Children under five spend the quiet time in their rooms, usually napping. If napping days are past, quiet play is permitted. Each child older than five plays alone and quietly for the one to two hours, usually after lunch I ask each child to pick a spot where he or she is going to be for quiet time. And they gather coloring, toys, or books, art supplies, and nestle in that spot for an hour or so, no TV or electronic devices are permitted. On occasion I will allow quiet group play, like play-doh at the kitchen table or even outdoor play, but the children are not allowed to bother me except for emergencies. They know this quiet time is important for them and to me as well. I can study Scripture, pray, write, take a nap if needed, make phone calls, or catch up on housework. This quiet moment in the day is gold to me. 

Don’t mix too many various sounds. I have a one thing at a time policy for many things in our home. The children play with one toy at a time and pick it up before moving on to another. If I allow nature to take its course, toy after toy would be pulled out, every room would be a disaster by the end of the day. By keeping a “one-toy-out-at-a-time” policy, this does not happen. Sounds are the same way. We do not practice piano while the stereo is on, one will be turned off before engaging in the next sound. 

Allow noise in designated times and places. Yelling and shouting is for outdoors in our home. I do not give the children volume regulations when they play outside, unless they are going out before 9 a.m. of course. There are also certain toys that are specifically outdoor toys…horns and whistles to name two. If those toys are played in the house, I take them away for a while. I am strict about this rule because the volume of noise from a whistle or horn would overwhelm our home. Most battery powered toys today are not as obnoxious as I remember as a child, however musical instruments can border on obnoxious if played with inexperienced hands. I feel it is important for children to explore musical instruments, so do not disband them in the house. We have bells, a recorder and a piano, but all three are not engaged simultaneously. And very often a time limit is imposed for the exceptionally loud “concerts.”

Listen to music and podcasts that draw our hearts into worship and growth in our walk with God, not pull us away from Him or distract us from finding our complete satisfaction and joy in God. I have my favorite podcasting friends I love to listen to on a regular basis. But, I also find worship music and classical music to be my “go-to’s” for daily listening. Those genres minister to my soul more than any other type of music. I admit that Mozart plays in our home the most. I love the intelligent calm my soul receives from listening to Mozart. I find myself able to think better than any other genre. Not everyone is wired the same, so certainly there is plenty of room  for various tastes and needs. My husband can stomach news and weather broadcasts and keeps up on them without too much aggravation. I find the bias and irrelevance too frustrating for my heart and do not keep up with listening to news or political events. This does not mean I am apathetic, but that I simply am very choosy about what I put in my brain. I prefer to read news from selected sources rather than listen to it. I also do not want my children to listen to the news until they are old enough to discern truth from fiction and recognize methods of propaganda. So, we don’t watch or listen to news in our home. Regardless of what we choose to listen to in our home, it should be something we spend time considering and don’t thoughtlessly let our ears hear voices that could impact our souls.

Don’t underestimate the power of silence. Silence is a very wonderful indulgence for our ears. How easy it is to have noise constantly pouring into our souls from our ears, it can be very difficult to “be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10 if we don’t embrace quiet in our lives. As a camp counselor one summer, part of my training was to go out into the woods at night. Woods in the middle of nowhere in the dark of night truly limits ones sense of sight, and I was taught to embrace the sounds of the night. How rarely we actually listen to the world around us! Crickets, bugs crawling on dry leaves, sticks falling from a tree, and the slight rustle of leaves in the breeze… all of what our ears hear points to our amazing Creator and can draw our hearts to worship. Sometimes, only in silence can a soul actually hear what it was made to hear.

Fighting and arguing should be moved from quickly. Scripture commands us in Romans 12:8 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” We are a family of sinners, living in a sinful fallen world, so yes, there are times when the sounds in our home are not beautiful. My children do squabble. They do say hurtful things to each other. They can be very cranky and argumentative. My goal is to nip it quickly. It takes two to disagree, so I usually find the perpetrators and try to discern the reason for the quarrel. Very often, pointing them to Christ is all it takes to re-align their thoughts. “Does what you are doing and saying bring God glory?” Then a hug between the two offenders accompanied with an apology ensues. Giggles often follow as the two try to over-hug. But I do believe humor is a great mood adjuster…making my children partake in a tickle fight or game of making funny faces is very helpful in getting them to change mental directions. I do not want to ignore their squabbles no mater how trifle they seem to me. Disagreements are normal, but it is important to teach children how to handle those situations and how to move past that moment of pain and back into friendship. I do realize not every child is wired to adjust his or her attitude on a dime, but as parents who know our children, we can certainly find ways that work for each of our children, to help them respond in biblical ways to squabbles and hurts. This takes time…years in fact, but it is essential to cultivate in little hearts. Way too many adults have no idea how to handle conflict correctly, leading to broken relationships, divorce, and un-Christlike Christian testimonies. As the post His Grandma Shocked Me describes, it is essential for our grown-up hearts to learn and practice quick make-ups that finish with a dash of warmth. Bitterness, grudges, the silent treatment are immature and godless responses to disagreements and hurts in children just as much as in adults.

Yelling and shouting is for outdoor play and emergencies…that includes Mommy and Daddy. There are occasions for shouting and yelling like: “Stop running into the road!” But very often, I try to keep that sort of volume for emergencies. In our home, we have utilized technology to help keep yelling and shouting to a minimum. We have Amazon Echo in almost every room of our home and find that to be an excellent venue for announcements and intercom chats. I can call children to dinner from my kitchen, without raising my voice. My husband can drop in the children’s rooms and tell them to be quiet at bedtime. It has worked out quite well for us. If I must address a child, firmness is my mode of conversation over volume. I know there can be some very long frustrating days for parents, but to keep an atmosphere of peace and godliness, both my husband and I do our best use firm, serious voices instead of loud, angry voices in addressing those situations that must be dealt with sternly. I want my children to pay attention when I yell, and if I am always yelling, they will quickly learn that it doesn’t matter. so, if I do raise my voice, it is for a matter of upmost urgency and they all look right at me with wide eyes. 

Oh how crucial it is for a home-maker to have mastery over the sounds in her home! Chaos in the ears goes straight to the soul. We can cultivate such beautiful environments for spiritual growth, godly focus, and worship if we purpose what sounds echo throughout the walls of our home. 

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The Ministry of Sight in the Home

Sight is a wonderful sense. There is so much we can behold with our eyes that points to our Creator.

Hearts that find joy and complete satisfaction in God will see everything through wide eyes of amazement in God. I try to cultivate sights in our home that will enrich our amazed hearts. What we see with our eyes, can draw us closer to God and bring us to worship. The sights around us can also aid our hearts to be at rest and allow us to focus on God without distraction. What we see around us has great power to point us to be in wonder of our Heavenly Father.

The contrary is also true that various sights can cause our soul to be troubled. Certain sights can be a distraction from our focus on God. Some things we see with our eyes can give us fear, stress, and anger. There are even sights can be utterly dangerous to our souls if we succumb to temptation through what we see and choose to sin. I try to think through everything in my home…books, wall decor, entertainment, and even order. I want to evaluate the visual affect each room will have on the soul. I want to purpose to use what is seen in our home to draw our souls to Christ and keep us from distraction that would fix our eyes on anything but Christ.

As discussed in: Ministering Through Physical Senses in the Home, The culture of the home does determine a lot about how each person’s home looks. Not everyone is naturally neat and clean. Not everyone has the same taste in decor and style. Not everyone has an eye for beauty in the home. In fact, even if we are good at something, there is always someone who is better at it than we are. Since we are all different, we all have areas in our lives that we need to cultivate and grow, in order to better serve the Lord. Not to be discouraging, but like all areas in our lives, the path of growth in homemaking is endless. It is essential however, that we are on the path of continual learning and changing, and improving our home environment. I have found that the Lord does show me ways I need to grow in my ministry of homemaking. But it is most certainly very important that as makers of homes, we seek ways to purposefully cultivate the inside view of our homes to a place that enhances the light in our soul.

Neat and Clean: I know some people struggle with order more than others, but I cannot impress enough how crucial it is to maintain the home in an orderly way. The standard and ease of order will look different for a woman in her sixties compared to a young mother with three toddlers. But we should all do our best to have patterns of cleanliness and order in the home. If not for our own sake, we must strive for neatness for God and for others.

Sometimes people, I would be one, who get stressed just looking around a home in disarray. I see work to be done and my heart does not feel at peace. My husband also breaths easier when he looks about the house and it is in order. Somehow messes breed a sense of chaos in us. I do not want that feeling in my home, so the solution is to pick it up and teach my children how to pick up after themselves…certainly a work in progress. There are those, who are at peace with mess. That is a good thing, but that does not mean the mess should be left because one is at peace with it.

Our home is not about us, but about God. The home is a tool God has entrusted to our care. If everything was just about us, we could do as we please, but the point is that our lives are about God, as is our home. We need to treat it with respect for the One who placed the home under our care. We can minister to souls with our home in good order.

If I think of chaotic noise, for instance simultaneously a trumpet being practiced in one room, the stereo playing rock and roll playing loudly while children squeal and dance, and a blender on in the kitchen… the chaos of sound can be very disturbing to the soul and prevent the soul from being still and knowing God. Visual chaos has the same affect as visual sound on the soul. Just like we need audio quiet, we need visual quiet to aid in the stilling our souls. Order is primary, but so is simplicity. Too much going on visually can take place in a neat and clean room that simply is filled with too much stuff. Like five Mozart sonatas playing simultaneously. Only one is needed, too much of even a good thing is chaos. So, decreasing clutter is also vital in maintaining the visual peace in our homes. Note: Many books have been written on the subject, but I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s Book: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Although I do not embrace all of the concepts in her book, many of the principles in the book are truly life changing.

Scripture on the walls of every room: I absolutely love Scripture verses everywhere in my home. My mother always had Scripture posted on the walls of our home as we grew up, and I have found it invaluable. My mother would write out verses on 3×5 cards and tape them around light switches. I will paint verses on canvas, buy prints with Scripture, or yes, I do stick verses around on 3×5 cards as needed. My goal is to have Scripture in every room of our house. I see Scripture as of primary importance as seek to keep it close by. In Deuteronomy 6:6-9, God commands the Israelite’s to value it and keep it before them:

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Psalm 119 also emphasizes the importance of God’s Word over and over. As a home-maker who desires God above all, I like Scripture to be in every room. It is good to have it always in sight for pondering.

Reminders of God’s Goodness: Wedding pictures, family pictures, and sentimental keepsakes can be helpful to remind us of how blessed we are. I also have enjoyed keeping a chalkboard on the wall in our kitchen to write down various things we are thankful for. It is so much easier to complain than to see the world through eyes of gratitude. And to keep our heart fixed on God and His goodness, I like to see and point out the sentimental reminders of the goodness of God in our lives…yearly photo books with images of what God did in a year, a clay vase my late Grandpa made, beautiful paintings of nature, and family photos on the walls…all point my heart to remember how good and gracious God is to me in my undeserving state. He has given me these temporal earthly blessings of family, material goods, and creation so that I might glorify Him. Putting those things on display in my home is a good thing.

Visual Calm: Although I do not embrace the new age belief of the energy of Feng Shui, I do love the concepts I have learned from books on the subject. Creating open, free spaces is truly an art I can utilize effectively in my home to give visual ease to the eyes.  I am not naturally gifted in home decorating despite classes on the subject. I have to play around with a room for a while before settling on wall hangings, window treatments, and furniture arrangements. I do find having a flow of online and library resources is helpful in my quest to bring more visual harmony to each room of my home. It is very much an area I feel is important to press on in my learning.  Simple touches like candles, a crackling fire. fresh flowers, open windows, natural light, and empty spaces are helpful creating an atmosphere that welcomes growth, fellowship, worship, rest, and healing for the soul.

Wholesome entertainment and books: Having wholesome viewing and reading material easily accessible is also a valuable  asset in our home. My husband and I carefully consider the viewing material we allow our children and we are also careful to choose books that enhance, and do not degrade the work of God. Now this topic can be stretched into its own post. But in short synopses, we do our best to choose material that will draw our hearts closer to the Lord and do not cause our hearts to be tempted. Although sin is most certainly from the heart, I do believe that our eyes do play a first hand role in allowing our hearts to be tempted. It isn’t completely unavoidable, but, it is most certainly something I have more control to curb inside the walls of our home than anywhere else. I have notes to indulge in this topic further in the future. 

For now, those five little concepts are my primary goals for visually preparing a space for Spiritual rest and growth as well as setting up guideposts that point to the Lord in our home. By thoughtfully arranging the sights of the home, it is possible to create an atmosphere that welcomes our soul to worship, rest, and focus on the Lord. I am absolutely learning more about how to do that best in our home. And always adapting as I learn. I welcome any further thoughts on this subject.

 

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How COVID-19 Sparks My Gratitude

It is easy to become bitter, fearful, complain, stress, and simply be frustrated during this unfolding corona drama in history. I began a list of things that make me grateful for this experience. I know there are hundreds more bullets that could be added to this ongoing list, so please post your thoughts below!

  1. Our children seem to be spared from this virus. Very few children under eighteen even contract the virus, and if they do, the get a mild case and recover quickly!
  2. We live in a scientific age! One hundred years ago, such a virus would have seemed hopeless. But with every day scientists across the world are closer to confirming vaccinations and medication to treat the virus.
  3. COVID-19 has begun in medically advanced countries and not a third world nation where the death toll would be far more expansive due to lack of intervention and science. And it could have gone undetected for much longer than it did too!
  4. The reconnecting of family is happening. In countries where families are divided, both parents work, where life never stops, where people are loosing touch with reality…something too microscopic for the human eye to see has put a stop to everything. Families are resting, staying home, eating together at home, and getting a much needed diversion from their absorbing schedules. This time at home is good for our generation.
  5. Seeing such an emphasis on uncertainty is where our minds should always rest, allowing us as Christians to depend fully on God for our future. When He is in control and we are not…that is the very best place to be.
  6. Lessons in frugality are already working out in our home as I have restricted our milk supply to the toddler. The other children can stick to water for a season. It is good for us to learn how to be less wasteful with food and possessions.
  7. Neighbors are connecting! If you live in a neighborhood like us, you may have already noticed that people being home and in a crisis together has caused a bit more conversations between those next door and us. Walls are coming down because we are all in this mess together.
  8. What an opportunity for us Christians to shine! We can share fearless, God dependent living with those around us who are terrified. I have already had a couple opportunities. One was at my daughter’s ballet lesson last week, when one of the other mother’s struck up a conversation about how scared she was. I was able to share with her how I knew how she felt, and I had a few moments of fear initially, but I was able to walk through my fears by resting in God’s sovereignty and reading facts…and forbidding my ears to absorb the fear based media. Fear breeds fear. And it is best to simply block our ears to fear by seeing our hearts on biblical truths! It is also a good time to meet the needs of those around us. Who knows, maybe there is someone in our neighborhood who did not stock up on toilet paper. Yes, that was supposed to be funny…
  9. Spring is here! What better time for a virus to pop out than in the grey cold of winter? Many people will be able to plant and grow food if needs be. Also, the magic of sunshine will do much to prevent cabin fever from causing depression. We can go for walks, garden, or simply picnic in our own yards!
  10. A renewed hunger for fellowship is coming! Yes, after a season of being unable to meet together as Christians, I grantee attending church will be a lot more meaningful in the future. And those who are challenged through this experience will be seeking truth.
  11. Our idolatry to comfort is being threatened. What are people so afraid of during this crisis? Is it death? Is it hunger? Is it poverty? I perceive the loss of comfort is more important to most people than life itself! Watching the hoarding that is taking place, I have observed that people don’t want to be without special foods, toilet paper, or easy meals! Honestly, four turkeys, some carrots, celery, and rice would easily provide a family of six lunch and dinner for an entire month…tack on a few pounds of oats and perhaps cinnamon, and there is breakfast. But that is not the way of our comfort driven society. For us Christians, it is a true test of our affection for comfort. This is so good for us!
  12. God is sovereign and always will sovereign in every chaotic event. Perhaps He is using this time to provoke obstinate hearts to think about Him? Death has a way of causing people to consider their life and its purpose. God is always in control, not us.

So let me ask you? What would you add to this list? What gratitude has entered your mind during this season of uncertainty?

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“I am Not Afraid. I was Made For This” Joan of Arc

I was teaching my children a Bible lesson about Nehemiah last week and found my own heart convicted as I re-told the story to my children.

Nehemiah 2:11b “…And I told no one what my God had put into my heart to do for Jerusalem…” God took hold of Nehemiah’s heart and Nehemiah committed to do what God had moved him to do, which was re-build the walls of Jerusalem. Nehemiah lived in Babylon and had to ask permission from Xerxes, the king of Babylon to go build the walls. God worked in Xerxes heart, and he agreed to let Nehemiah go and build.

God enabled and prepared Nehemiah to do exactly what Nehemiah was meant to do. God surrounded Nehemiah with people to help him in doing the work ahead of him. Even the heart of the king of Babylon was prepared to help Nehemiah do God’s will.  Like the famous quote from Joan of Ark: “I do not fear the soldiers, for my road is made open to me; and if the soldiers come, I have God, my Lord, who will know how to clear the route that leads to messier the Dauphin. It was for this that I was born!” more simply stated: “I am not afraid; I was made for this.”

We are each a Nehemiah. God has given each of us walls to build, and we are each made and placed here on earth for a divine purpose. Whatever lies ahead, is what God has created us to walk through. He has equipped us with all that we need to do what He has given each of us to do. He will even turn hearts toward or against us as He is fit to bring about His purpose.

There is much comfort in God’s sovereignty….knowing that nothing is by chance…even my life. For me, although there is much I do not know about my purpose in this time and place, I do know what God has laid on my heart to do.

Jews recently celebrated Purim at the end of February. It is a holiday that is completely about God’s sovereignty over the hearts of people and events during the reign of King Xerxes. The book of Esther describes the events in detail. I love the wisdom given to Esther by her cousin Mordecai, when Esther struggled with going to see King Xerxes on behalf of the Jews. Mordecai gently reminded Esther of God’s sovereignty in Esther 4:14 “And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Oh to rest in that thought!

God has placed me here in this time, in this place, in this family, with this husband, children, and church…for such a time as this. God has given me the task of living out the gospel in my home, church, neighborhood…basically, in whatever circumstances He has placed me. That, leaning into grace, must be played out in my soul daily. Since, God has also placed me in a specific place in time, spot on the map, marriage to a certain man, mother of four souls, church, and neighborhood. This is the place and time and people I am called to live out the gospel.

And then, there is the state of my own soul. I am called to be a disciple of Christ…to follow Him.. .to rest in His sovereign grace for the continued sanctification of my heart. With that as the foundation for my actions, anything that distracts me from that calling is sin (Nehemiah 6:13).

Like Nehemiah, as I set about to do what God has called me to do, adversaries of God will appose me. The adversaries of God, play on my emotional, human weaknesses to gain foothold in my lives, with the ultimate goal of distracting, stalling, and preventing me from doing the work that has been “put into my heart to do.”

Ammonites, Sanballat and Tobiah felt threatened by the work Nehemiah had been sent by God and his king to do. They and did their best to prevent Nehemiah from building those walls. At first, Sanballat and Tobiah used harsh, unhappy complaints and untrue accusations. When the complaints and lies failed, Sanballat and Tobiah attempted to use fear to deceive Nehemiah into hiding.

I have since pondered the debilitating affect of distractions. There are ever so many! What distractions do I embrace? Is it fear? Do I run and hide, or arm myself as I I continue the work God has set for me to do? What is the enemy using in my life to bring fear, to prevent me from building the walls of my home? From pursuing faithfully in the task the Lord has given me to do? From listening to the calling God has laid on my heart? Lies….always lies…

I Peter 5:8 warns us of the dangers of lack of discernment and distractions. “Have sound judgment. Be alert. Your adversary, the Devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” EHV. Let me indulge this Biblical illustration from nature a bit. A Lion is a very skilled hunter. The lion is a large, loud creature, except when he is prowling. Anyone who has watched a nature documentary has seen a lion go into a stealth, hunting mode. He watches, and waits patiently…eyes slowly studying his prey. The lion seeks out the easiest targets, the young…weak…old…those separated from the herd, the unprotected, distracted, and those who are too engrossed in an activity to be alert….those who lack the wisdom to discern danger.

For a time, part of my calling is to protect four young, and weak little lambs. For me, as the mother, not to be on watchful guard against adversaries, puts my young at great risk. I am also to be alert for my own safety. Staying close to the herd, means being close to other Christians. The Shepherd watches over the herd carefully, and being near Him is also of upmost importance.

Back to Nehemiah… his discernment of the attempted deceit of the enemy is admirable. I believe he was able to make a wise decision because of his confidence in God and what God had called him to do. Instead of running to hide, Nehemiah armed himself and his men and continued to build the walls, ready to fight at a moment’s notice.

“Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” Nehemiah 4:18a , Nehemiah 4:21 “So we labored at the work, and half of them held the spears from the break of dawn until the stars came out. I also said to the people at that time, ‘Let every man and his servant pass the night within Jerusalem, that they may be a guard for us by night and may labor by day.’ So neither I nor my brothers nor my servants nor the men of the guard who followed me, none of us took off our clothes; each kept his weapon at his right hand. And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built.” 

But even though he was armed, Nehemiah’s enemies were bent on preventing his work from continuing. They made up lies and attempted to drive fear into his heart. Sanballat hoped fear would weaken Nehemiah’s judgement and he would run to hide!

Nehemiah 6:9 “For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, ‘Their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done.’ But now, O God, strengthen my hands.” Recognizing lies that are meant to distracts us from the task. Nehemiah 6:10-14 “Now when I went into the house of Shemaiah the son of Delaiah, son of Mehetabel, who was confined to his home, he said, ‘Let us meet together in the house of God, within the temple. Let us close the doors of the temple, for they are coming to kill you. They are coming to kill you by night.’ But I said, ‘Should such a man as I run away? And what man such as I could go into the temple and live? I will not go in.’ And I understood and saw that God had not sent him, but he had pronounced the prophecy against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. For this purpose he was hired, that I should be afraid and act in this way and sin, and so they could give me a bad name in order to taunt me. Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, O my God, according to these things that they did, and also the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the prophets who wanted to make me afraid.” Nehemiah 6:19 “Also they spoke of his good deeds in my presence and reported my words to him. And Tobiah sent letters to make me afraid.

So like many other followers of Christ, I find myself constantly distracted from the work God has set before me to do. Sometimes those distractions take place completely in my head as I allow my mind to dwell on thoughts that are untrue or out of my control. Other times, it is a text message, a piece of news…I have found even good things can be completely wrong if that is not what God has tasked me to do! Like Nehemiah, I pray for discernment and wisdom as I am constantly bombarded by the enemy with distractions, fears, and lies that would consume my soul and make me unable to fulfill what God desires I do! I also need to be fully committed, and confident of God’s calling in my life. I will be easily swayed if I am unsure about what God has for me to do. It is possible to be confident in each of our callings. We might not be an apostle like Paul. But we can certainly have the same confidence as we rest in God’s sovereign alignment of circumstances, people, and locations where we are.

 

 

 

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Creating Selfless Valentine Traditions

Since I was a little girl, I learned to love Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day meant cheesecake, heart shaped cookies, and crafts with ribbons, paper doilies and lace. I don’t remember my parents always escaping alone for a date on the day. Very often it was a family celebration and we invited grandparents and friends to join us in eating cheesecake.

A few days before Valentine’s Day, my mother made the habit of setting all of us up at a table covered with stickers, glue, and red and pink paper. We spent time making Valentine’s Cards for our siblings, parents, and anyone who would be alone…widows, unmarried, and divorced friends and kin. Then she would mail them off. It wasn’t until I was in college, that I realized many people saw Valentines’s Day as “Single Awareness Day” and I had many friends who wore black because they were single and hurting. It was then that what my mother did, struck me as something truly special.

So, I continued the tradition and tried to reach out to lonely people I knew around the heart shaped holiday. As I married and had children, my children now create Valentine’s Cards to share with others…even strangers we cross during our grocery shopping trips. When my children were really small, they made stacks…and handed them out to everyone at church. Now, I mail the child created Valentines off to various souls, give them away to neighbors and friends at church and we still have more than we need.

More than we need…

Just like the love our heavenly Father has poured out on us overflows our cup of need, so I like to share His love with neighbors and friends who could use a little extra love this month as they may feel a little extra lonely.

Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture. Whether it is the sweet little lady we brush carts with in the grocery store, or the young mother carrying her new baby in a wrap close to her chest. Everyone struggles with feeling alone. Perhaps a little paper heart, or a chocolate cupcake and note helps can help those struggling hearts see a bit of the endless love poured out on us. February the 14th can be an incredible excuse to share a bit of the love that has been shown to me by my Savior. Because truly, I have more than I need.

The Lord appeared to him[a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jer. 31:3

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Cuddle Prayers

As each year of motherhood passes, I find myself challenged to pray more for my children. As a mother of four children, the youngest still being two, I find quiet time to prayer very difficult to schedule. I work in Bible study but for some reason I find it easier to drop and pick up a study in Scripture than a thought in prayer. As I have asked the Lord for wisdom about my need to spend more time in prayer for my children, I was expecting a revolutionary idea about how to fit an hour or two into my day for prayer. But instead, verses came to mind, convicting me about my inconsistent prayer life.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18  “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Colosians 4:2 “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

The prophet, Daniel, has always pricked to my heart by his testimony of faithfulness in prayer. Daniel 6:10 “When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously.” Even the threat of death should not deter my heart from faithful devotion to prayer. Since my faith can be freely lived out, I certainly have no excuse NOT to pray with consistent faithfulness.

Prayer is not something to only set aside for moment of quiet, but to be a thread woven into every thought and event throughout the tapestry of every day. Prayer for my children can easily be incorporated as I interact with them throughout the day. I can pray not only for my children, but with them, during disciplinary moments, around school lessons, before bed, at mealtimes. 

As I have worked through these thoughts, I have found that snuggle moments are amazing opportunities to lift my children’s hearts to the Lord…my husband too! 

All of my children LOVE to cuddle. When they wake up in the morning, each one of them is hungry to curl up in a groggy stupor and sit with me for a bit until their brains get in gear. These moments are wonderful times for me silently whisper cries to God for drawing their little hearts to Himself. It also helps me as a mother to be reminded of the eternal purpose I have been given in mothering each of the dear little souls entrusted to me.

Throughout the day, I am provided with other moments of snuggling with my children, rocking my tot for nap time, holding an injured little girl until her hurt fades, taking a momentary break to squeeze one of my little girls before we begin reading lessons, a long hug after discipline, after a nap, or during times of illness…the day is full of such moments that I now use for prayer. 

As my children lay down their heads for sleep at night, another opportunity to snuggle arrives. I like to spend a moment with each child to chat, read, or simply snuggle. Sometimes we pray out-loud together, sometimes I pray out-loud for them, sometimes, a silent heartfelt prayer fills my soul. But I like to pray for each little one under my care before they fall to sleep.

So, yes, I have found snuggle prayers to be a day-altering habit for me. Prayer for my children helps me as a mother maintain an eternal focus. I also have found, that it is easy for me as a mother to feel like the burden of child-raising, home-schooling, health, is on my shoulders, and I NEED to fall into the arms of my Savior and “snuggle” with Him throughout the day. I can rest in Him completely to do what is best in my children’s lives, to give me wisdom as a mama, and to hold the burdens I feel I must carry as a mother. He, after all, loves my children far more than I do. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

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Little Whos are People Too

“Come on little whos, let’s hurry to the car!” I tried to hurry my four children into the van after an afternoon library trip. Their arms were full of as many books as they could carry. The wind had brought an autumn chill to the air. And each child was stammering complaints, hunched over; their arms full of books while they sluggishly moved toward the van in the parking lot.

“My little whos”… sigh… I often find myself latching onto temporary pet names for my children. Often a made up word rolls off my tongue… “Peetalpie,” “Bottlebee” or “Pumpkin Heart” It is literally whatever is on my mind in any given moment.

Lately, my children have been called “Whos.” Anyone familiar with the story, Horton Hears a Who, written by Theodor Seuss Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss, is also familiar with the quote, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” The speck of the city of Whoville, filled with microscopic people called Whos, has become iconic to all Dr. Suess fans.

For me, calling my children “whos” began very much by accident, but as I have caught myself recently using that particular pet name, I have been pondering how important it is for to me to see each of my children, and every child with whom I interact, as a true person, complete with feelings, understanding, and heart.

So often, like most Mamas, I neglect seeing my little ones as people. I see children as responsibilities, sometimes interruptions or inconveniences, sometimes loads of fun and cuteness; certainly minds and bodies to be trained and tended… but yet… despite any perception I might be currently feeling toward my child, my underlying focus must be to be aware of that child’s person-hood.

It is essential that I look into those little eyes and listen to the chatter of the soul within. I am not talking of a child centered version of parenting, or a mama loosing her identity as Mother and becoming simply a buddy with her child.

I am valuing the intentional engagement of a child as a person. Treating a child as a visible and an aware being, is essential to raising children who behave responsibly and grow up. Not demeaning, ignoring, or talking over a child are part of that concept. It is also important to engage a child in grown-up concerns, thoughts, and responsibilities, as well as seriously engaging in a child’s little world of cares, play, and thrills.

I have found that when I perceive my children as persons, my conversation and expectations follow suit.

There are many ways an adult can show value to a child’s person hood.

A real person has feelings, fears, struggles, hard things (yes, even little ones!), frustrations, perspectives, ideas, awareness…

A child who is not treated like a person is perceived as a lower grade than an adult, feelings are not considered, what the child sees and hears about himself or herself is what is heard about Him instead of to him. A child is belittled. A child is ignored. Basic greetings and etiquette are not given to a child, nor expected from a child. Essentially, a child is endured, trained, and educated, yes, even loved, but not truly known or enjoyed. I do not want that to be my children. Have I failed? Often do and still will. But, I strive to value my little whos for the precious individuals God created them to be.

I have found a few helpful thoughts and actions can practically aid in my desire to see past the height and current development of my child and into the person they are.

1) Inclusion into the events of my world. I like my children to know what is going on in my life. I don’t sneak or hide situations from them for convenience sake. For instance, I have often had a friend or even both Jim and I, friends, over in an evening after the children’s bedtime. I do tell my children that someone is coming over after they are in bed. Yes, they would not know the difference if I didn’t tell them, but it makes good conversation the next morning as my little whos inquire how my evening went, and if I had a good visit. They are a part of my life and I want them to know I will be visiting after they are in bed should they need me, as well as being aware of what is going on. I also want them to respect me as a person and my need for friendships and time with others. Everyone doesn’t exists for my children and my life belongs to God and His work, which includes my children but is not exclusively about them.

2) Providing information on life events is also important. When children are not yet readers, they have no way of knowing what is happening. I like to read to them a lot, from grocery store adds to signs on the road. I also like them to be informed about the happenings in our family life a few days in advance…if we are going to get groceries, a doctor appointment, a weekend at Grandma’s house. I want them to have as few surprises in life as possible, so I try to keep them in the loop as much as I am able.

5) Being transparent with a child is a communication opener. I must be honest in conversation and let them know I am also human. I let them know when I am having a hard day. I apologize when I am grumpy and unreasonable…or simply wrong in my judgement. I let them know areas in my life that the Lord is working on me. We talk about it. It interests them. They grow from seeing my humanness and I find it breaks down walls and opens conversations into discussing their humanness.

6) Make eye contact during conversations. As adults, we respect and value friends who truly care about us. Those are the ones we know listen when we speak. Those friends who ask how we are doing and really want to know… Why? Because true friends focus on what we say. As a mother, part of raising my children is listening to them. Yes, the little ramblings of their hearts may seem shallow and sweet to me now, but how often I have landed in a deeper, heartfelt conversation with my child, because I took a moment to look in their eye and ingest their ramblings!

7) Don’t talk about a child as though he or she is invisible while that child is standing in ear-shot, hearing every word. Doctor appointments are sometimes the most difficult for me, because I am there to inform the doctor about any concerns I have with my child, while my child is in the room! Awkward! In general, I do not talk about my children while they are in the room. I do my best to include them in the conversation I am having with someone.

8) Do not let a child defer responsibility to Mama. I do not consider it selfish to make my children think of me or apologize to me for causing me inconvenience. If my child causes a mess that I have to pick up, I point out how inconsiderate that was of her or him, and demand their apology. I also stress that they care for other humans in need, even each other. I don’t want them to see the trouble of someone else, like a sibling, as Mommy’s responsibility, but theirs as well. For instance, if one of my daughters falls on the sidewalk, while her sister is swinging on a swing a few feet away, the sissy who is swinging needs to rush to injured sissy’s aid. I have some children that see the needs of others more readily than others. I have had to teach my children to rush to help, not wait for mommy, but be responsible themselves. I often find now, that my children run to each other for consolation and a bandage instead of mommy. It does my heart good to finish fold my laundry and be greeted by two of my girls, one who has already been bandaged up and tears dried, as they inform me of how the scrape occurred. Taking personal responsibility others in  trouble is compassion. As well as taking responsibility for ones own messes is important. I am potty training my little son. He is doing well, but still has occasional accidents. If he has an accident, I have trained him to come get me, but it is his job to clean up his own poop. I don’t do it. I might sanitize after he is done, but he needs to learn to clean up his own messes as much as he is able. If a child makes a mess they are incapable of setting right…a broken dish for instance. I do ask them to apologize to me for the broken dish and extra work. If they are able, and it is safe, I will include them in helping me clean or repair the damage done.

9) Include children in the hard things. Children should understand death, suffering, pain, trauma, and poverty, are all a part of life. I do not shelter my children from such things at any age. As much as I am able, I include my children in hospital visits, funerals, and in prayer for those we know who are in crisis. I never underestimate the prayers of a child. It is also invaluable for them to learn how to respond and treat others during hard times. Even as an adult, I am still figuring out how to respond to various situations, so what I learn, I pass on to my children. I like include them in real life scenarios from birth, and do not believe it is healthy to shelter them from the rough stuff in life.

10) Keeping my word is essential to building trust and dependency with adults as well as children. So many adults give false promises or even threats to their children. It is easy to say words like “We are going home if you act out one more time” But with three other children and a doctor appointment in an hour, keeping that promise is going to cause a lot of trouble, or it won’t be kept. Even, ” Grandpa and Grandma are coming in a couple days,” Can be cause for confusion should they get sick and be unable to make it. So, I do my best to consider the promises or warnings I give my children. I do not commit to anything I am unable to fulfill. I say “maybe” and “we will see.” lot… Life is uncertain, so I like to leave a lot of open ends in our plans in case God changes things. My children have become familiar with the phrase, “If God says “yes” or “no” … we don’t know yet.” I also do not make many promises to my children. Nothing is for certain, and I as an adult am still trying to live in that mindset.

11) My favorite part of treating my child as a person is engaging in the amazing wonderments and thoughts of their little minds. I engage in every question, no matter how personal or complicated. I do not shelve subjects for a later time or date. I believe every question can be answered with an age appropriate response. If my five year old daughter want to know how babies begin inside, I simply say that “God works a beautiful miracle and puts a tiny person inside a mommy.” My six-year-old asked once why God created His enemy Satan, which caused me to read up a bit and led into an amazing discussion about the gospel and a God who planned redemption before creation. I love the questions my children have, and do my best to capture the moment, not making them wait until they are older or find the answer impersonally from another source.

12) Etiquette is showing love to others including little others. I try to be polite in front of my children! I don’t “let it go” while they are about. I say “please” and “thank-you” to them. Now, I might spend some time rolling around on the floor in a tickle frenzy with them, but that doesn’t mean I am “not” a lady. I find the foundation of every etiquette book I have read to simply be,loving others. What shows the best consideration and kindness to someone else in a given moment is what is polite. I do insist my children show the best kindness they can to others as well. “Please” and “Thank you” are required, as is “good morning.” I make a point to greet all of my children cheerfully each day with “good morning.” They naturally return the greeting. For meals, we sit at the table and converse while we eat. I do not allow my littlest children to run about while the rest of the family eats dinner. If a child is done eating early, I ask them to look around, “Daddy is not done, Mommy is not done, sissy is not done…you can sit and wait….tell Daddy something you learned in school today.” My children have learned to ask to leave the table. One does not just get up when he or she is done and leave the room. My children even ask if they can get something during the meal like salt or some more water… we are all learning, little by little, what it means to be considerate of others and how very important that is.

13) I never ever, ever lie to my children or allow my children a lie. I realize this may be a controversial subject to some mothers. But, this is simply what I do and why. I do teach my children there are lies that exist. For instance, we don’t lie to our children about Santa Clause. They know Santa is used in the celebration of Christmas, especially by people who don’t know Christ. We don’t avoid storybooks or movies about him, but we make sure our children know Santa is not real, and we do not include him in our celebration of Christmas, and our children know why. We do the same with the tooth fairy. Our children happily announce that their Daddy is the tooth fairy. I also tell my children about the lie of evolution. Saying that there are people who do not believe in God and need an explanation for how the world began instead of by God, so evolution has been that lie for many years. Telling my children a lie, and telling them about a lie are very different in my mind. There are many lies out their from body image to immorality that my children will encounter. I do not need to add to that by lying to my children. And honestly, it is just as equal a sin to lie to an adult just as it is to a child. Deceit is a lie as well. I do not intentionally trick or deceive my children into doing something. I do not make up quippy answers to their sincere questions either. Even in fun, lying can be harmful. How often has someone said something in jest that hurt. That person can brush it off as just a joke and blame me for taking it wrong, but it hurt. Either it was untrue and should not have been said, or it was true and the idea it was a joke was a lie.

Those are truly a few of the various methods I find helpful to treat my little whos as people. I honestly owe much of my thinking on the subject to my mother who was a shining example in treating me as a person…no matter how small. She often told me how important it was for her to say “goodbye” to her children before leaving them in a church nursery or with a sitter. She never scooted off while we were occupied. She treated even her little blabbering babies with common respect.

I realize, seeing from the perspective of a little mind, body, and heart can be challenging for some, and even I who endeavor to show the respect of person-hood to my children, fail so often. But I am comforted that it is not entirely impossible, because we were all little whos once too. And in God’s eyes, we will always be little, yet with such gentleness, tenderness, and compassion He leads us!

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Food: One of the Most Unifying Tools in the Hands of Homemaker

Every family has their own food culture. Favorite recipes and traditions passed down through generations, foods from an ethnic heritage, as well as lifestyle foods based on health, convenience, and economics all make up the circumference of foods a family regularly enjoys. Certain foods in each family are also traditional for certain holidays, and occasions.

My Food Heritage: My mother fed my family a diet of real food, very little sugar, a lot of vegetables, whole grains, venison my Daddy hunted and everything made from scratch. We ate out only a few times a year. My family also ate foods from my Dad’s Norwegian heritage. Lefse was a common evening treat. And for many years I requested fish soup for my birthday dinner. We also ate a lot of Mexican food. My Dad was raised in the Southwest, and my Mother met him while she was getting her degree in Spanish there. My mother has a lot of German in her heritage, so we also enjoyed plenty of meat and potato meals. My family gardened unfaithfully. I remember a couple of years of a good garden, but it wasn’t a huge part of my life. We bought most of our produce. My Dad is a hunter however, and we ate a lot of venison and wild turkey from what he killed. We also raised chickens for many years and we ate their eggs and sometimes we ate them.
My mother didn’t buy jello, cool whip, cake, frozen foods, processed foods, white bread, margarine, or pudding mixes. We never kept soda in the house. I only got pop on a very rare occasion…courtesy of my Daddy. I grew up enjoying a large variety of food. And to this day, I am always up for trying food. I especially like trying foods from other cultures. Korean food is one of my personal favorites.

My Husband’s Food Heritage: My husband has other cultivated tastes. His family had a garden throughout most of his childhood, and his mother canned, and canned, and canned. His family was also very restricted in their food budget due to income. So, he did not eat a huge variety of foods nor did he eat out much as a child. His mother is a phenomenal cook. Many of her recipes are my husband’s favorites to this day. She did use canned soups and a lot of prepared foods in her cooking, so my husband is accustomed to those flavors. My husband is still very content eating chocolate pudding from a mix, cool whip, or frozen french fries. My husband, being raised in southern states also LOVES sweet tea. It is a huge part of his life. He isn’t opposed to drinking a can of Pepsi on occasion either. My husband is not necessarily health conscious, he would tell you that is my job. Jim is particular about the taste and texture of his food, so the quality of cooking and the methods food is cooked are important to him. He would probably say that classic American fair is his favorite food genre…hamburgers, hot-dogs, meatloaf, fried chicken, and a hearty steak; all served with fries…. Although Italian foods would not be far behind.

Our family’s Food Culture: As a newlywed, I did my best to learn how to cook the foods my husband grew up eating. I had fun experimenting on him with some new recipes too, but I admit I also had a good share of failures, even though I was a home-economics major. My biggest challenge was in choosing what foods to cook. My husband and I both have a different food heritage. We both have different likes and dislikes. We are also both genetically different and were born with different dispositions toward food.

For a while, I simply tried to adapt to the foods my husband was raised eating. I stuck to a lot of his mother’s recipes. But, as children came along, my pursuit of healthier foods increased. I was also more restricted in my budget the larger our family grew. I could not afford the amount of beef and leaned heavily on meatless dishes and poultry. I don’t care what anyone says, as soon as one is buying anything prepared, the grocery bill goes up. Even a pack of taco seasoning or gravy mix is more expensive than mixes ones own spices. And additives and sugars in those packets are not healthy to intake. Eating healthy is far more budget friendly than unhealthy food. I gradually began adding whole wheat pasta to our white pasta, whole grain rice to our white rice, and making my own mixes and such. Eventually we had a diet whole grain. Other than making play-dough, it has been seven years since I have purchased white flour. I even learned how to make my own whole wheat bread, and quit buying store-bought foods as much as possible.

The change was not quick. But over time, our family has morphed into eating foods that are normal for us. How we eat is not like my family ate when I was growing up, and it is not like how my husband ate growing up. In fact, I cannot say it is even a combination of the two. It is simply a culture of food unique to our family. As my menu guide explains, I have a workable pattern for buying and cooking meals for our family.

I remember making my first pack of instant pudding. I used hot water instead of cold and ruined it. I continually failed in making my husband’s favorite chicken and rice casserole. The rice was always crunchy. Apparently instant rice was the key. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I never ate a box of mac ‘n cheese until I was married and cooking in my own. I got nervous cooking up my first batch from the box. I think it turned out okay.

What determines how we eat?

My budget dictates the majority of the food we eat. I try to have at least one meal a week without meat to save money. Other than a steak my husband will pick up on occasion, I rarely buy beef. We eat chicken a couple of times a week, ground turkey in place of ground beef, occasionally pork roast if I can get it for .99 a pound, and if we are lucky some venison from my Dad. Meatless dishes often play a role for dinner. Tonight, we had loaded baked potatoes for dinner. Another night we might have, home-made Mac ‘n cheese, or even breakfast for dinner, like waffles or eggs.

Nutrition is also something I consider valuable when planning meals. I rely heavily on whole, real foods. I try to get foods that do not have labels. So most of our food is in its truest form. I buy organic when it is reasonable, but I don’t sweat it if I can’t afford that. Honestly, I am not entirely convinced it isn’t a marketing scam. Quality is of most importance, and organic produce is often the best looking with the truest flavors. A farmer’s stand or market is ideal, but not currently most practical for our family. I buy whole grain flours, rice, and pasta. I am also careful not to incorporate much sugar into our diet. We don’t eat dessert, and I substitute coconut sugar or raw honey in most of my baking. My goal in food for our family is simply to make it as real and nutrient dense as I am able to afford. The book: Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Plank is probably the most influential book on healthy eating that I have read. Nina also has a blog with some great recipes that we enjoy http://ninaplanck.com/.

Affection and comfort also are important in the food choices of our home. I save my experimentation for lunchtime with me and the children. My husband does not need the stress of trying new foods at the end of a crazy day. So, I will have seaweed and sticky rice with kimchi for lunch with the children, but never for dinner. I often will make something that is a favorite of my husband to cheer him during a stressful time or to simply show I love him. I also do the same for my children. I like to use food as a tool to bring comfort and show love during certain times.

Sharing the food our family eats with others is also an important way to minister. Since we often have people eat with us, it is a great opportunity to share the culture of our family through the venue of food. It allows a person to become a part of our family in a way, while they eat dinner with us. If I were going to Africa and sat with a family for dinner there, I would be taking part of their culture and family through the meal they served me. It is the same in the states from family to family. We each can allow someone to enter into our zone, but sharing a meal our family would normally eat with them.

Food is for celebration. I was recently reminded of the children of Israel and how God set aside special days for them to celebrate and feast. There are days that we set aside for celebration. Generally I do not insist on healthy eating during those days of celebration. There are special seasons for feasting and being grateful. And I do not tag those times with health concerns.

Food should unify not separate. Overall, my point in creating a certain food culture for my family is that it brings people together in unity.  I use food as a tool to build my family and bring others into the dynamics of our home. Food is a method to help my family be healthy and strong, but it is not my reliance as my article on nutrition points out. And I don’t argue with my husband about food. Yes, I tend to be more health conscious than my husband, but our relationship is more important than if he eats his vegetables or not. And I make a batch of sweet tea with real sugar for him every weekend. I bring people together in our home around food. I bless my family and guests with wholesome meals for my family and guests. I use food to create warm feelings and memories. Who doesn’t cherish the morning waking up to the smell of freshly baked cinnamon rolls smothered in cream cheese frosting? We gather together nearly every evening for dinner in our home. It is the point in the day we can be together. I serve dinner on time and I am usually well planned in my menu and ingredients that making dinner is stress free. Food is such a great method to bring people together. Even taking a batch of freshly baked cookies to a new neighbor can help breech any divides and begin to build a relationship. Food opens doors of building relationships with people. I truly believe that food is a very important tool in the hand of a homemaker. A wise homemaker will study how to use food for the advantage of the gospel and the blessing of her family.

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Savoring the Smudges

Six years ago, when my oldest child was still tottering around, we went to visit my parents for a week. As our visit came to an end, I began cleaning up and packing to go home. I noticed my daughter had left hand prints and smudges all over my parents’ sliding glass door. I was about to wash them off, when my Mother insisted I leave them there. A month later, she told me Emma’s smudges were still on the window. She was cherishing them.

Motherhood gets busy, I agree, but as all mothers are aware, the pattering of little feet around the house will someday be gone. Someday there will be no more squeals and silliness. There will be no more little voices constantly asking for food. Children grow up. That is what is meant to happen. That is what I want to happen. But in the meantime, I need to be savoring the moments of little lives in my home, not just trying to get by or make it through the day.

A few years ago, my husband gave me a mill to grind wheat. It was something I had wanted for a long time. I love that mill, and have used it to grind wheat, oats, and flax. It is one of my favorite kitchen tools. What if I never took the time to enjoy the mill? Maybe I decided it took more time than I thought it would, so I loaned it out to others or just stored it in the cupboard, and never enjoyed it myself. Or perhaps, if every time I did use the mill, I got upset because it made a mess, was too loud, or took too long grind the wheat into usable flour. How I treat that mill shows if my heart is truly grateful. If I complain or do not use the gift of the mill, I am certainly not it. My lack of enjoyment in the mill would not only be an insult to my husband who so generously gave me the gift, but I would miss out on the joy the mill brings through the amazing, flavorful, freshly ground grains it provides. Motherhood is a gift. We are insulting our Father who so graciously gave us the blessing of children when we fail to enjoy the little ones He entrusted to our care. Yes, it might not look like what we expected. Children are messy, loud, and require much patience. But they are a gift from God. They are ours to enjoy and cherish for the short season God allows us to hold them close.

Culture is increasingly pressuring us as Christian’s to see children as anything but the biblical blessing they are. Children are perceived as the boss of the home. Children are seen as monsters. Children are limited due to their expense. Having a child is more like a having commodity than a living precious soul. The lives of unborn babies are discarded at will. Children in our culture are not treasured for God, but for selfish reasons of parents. Parents are prideful, selfish, and demanding of children. As a result of unbiblical perspectives on children, parenting is not purposed and done with intent, but coped and “fumbled-through.” If I rest on an unbiblical view of children, I am unable to fully enjoy my children. Not that I have to accompany my children on every adventure, but that I open my ears to the sounds of their squeals during play while I wash the dishes. I also need to patiently, and gently answer to the incessant “mommy.” And every time I wash little prints off the windows, I rejoice in the precious little hands that put them there. Mothering is a sacred, God ordained privilege. “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” Psalm 127:3.

We mothers are tired. We are stressed. We are full of self-guilt. We are sickly. We are worried and fearful. We are busy. We are frustrated. We are cranky. We are human-sinful creatures. Enjoying our children is something we have to purpose to do, because it is not always a nature inclination. I always wondered why Paul instructed the older women in the church to teach the younger women “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children” Titus 2:4. Isn’t motherly love a natural thing? Why does it need to be taught? As other women have shown me, we love our husbands and children, yes, but how we love our children is what we need to learn. We need to learn the right way to love our children. We need to learn how to correctly show love to our husband and children. The major aspect of showing love to our children, is to simply enjoy them.

How do I enjoy my children? Well, Just like I enjoy my grain mill. First of all, I take the time. I purpose to use it. So with children, I take the time. I purpose times with them throughout the day. We go for a walk, we chat about life during breakfast and lunch, I give them random hugs and snuggles. I purpose to spend time with them in their world. This does not mean I manage them. No, I go with their flow, their serious little conversations, I spend time building a relationship with them, not just being “mom.”

I also pause and take in the moments of my children’s little lives. The sound of the mill grinding away is a happy sound to me. I like to hear the mill as it churns and crunches. So, I keep my senses open to my children. I smell their oily little heads, I listen to their sweet little baby sounds and little voices, and soak in their little snuggles, I stare at them while they sleep.

And yes, the mill makes a dusty mess. But it never once troubled me. I am so grateful to have it. I simply wipe up the mess and move on. So it is with my children’s messes. We clean them up and move on. My relationship with my child is far more important than the mess of an accidently spilled jug of tea all over the kitchen floor. Enjoying my children cannot happen, if I am overwhelmed or frustrated by the messes they make. I can’t allow myself to become absorbed in the mess, but must absorb myself in the joy of raising mess-makers. Children are not always a delight, but we as mothers can consciously work to enjoy them even when they are unpleasant. I have often put my arm around one of my little grumpies and told her that “I love you even when you are grumpy.” I can do that, because of the gospel. Someone choose to love me when I was grumpy. “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8. It always comes back to the gospel doesn’t it? I can truly enjoy being the mother of little sinners, all because I am a sinner, and God perused me out of His boundless grace.

As I battle to maintain a biblical perspective on motherhood. I can truly enjoy the blessing of being a mother. I don’t do it alone. I rest completely in the grace and new mercy poured out on my life daily. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” Lamentations 3:22-23. God has bestowed upon my life all the grace I need to do what He has given me to do. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me” I Corinthians 15:10. It is not my work, but the work of God through me, moment by moment. I can truly enjoy being a mother of sinners, because I delight in My God who rescued me from my sin. In that thought is joy. So today, I am going to wash windows, and rejoice.

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Caution in Talking About Heaven and Hell with Little Children

aerial photo of amazon river Photo by Johannes Plenio on

Before I discuss heaven and hell with my children, I want to make sure they have a good understanding of sin and Jesus redemption before we talk about eternal destiny.

I am very catious in my conversations about eternity with the unsaved, especially the very young. I refrain from sharing much about heaven and hell with my children before they comprehend the gospel. I do not want to distract my children from repentance by making them aware of the joys of heaven and the anguish of hell.

It is easy to bring about a false belief in Christ by instilling fear in the heart of people, especially little people. But we must be so careful not to make our children fearful of what happens after death, especially if they do not know Christ. Salvation does not occur if a person’s motivation is, fear of God’s wrath, instead anguish over sin. Our Savior did not bleed and die to save people from hell. No, what Christ died to save us from was far more serious than hell. Christ came to save people from SIN. “She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins” Matthew 1:21.
To me, the most important aspect of motherhood is that my children understand the gospel. I would eternally fail as a Christian mother if I encouraged my children in an illusion of salvation, because they once said a prayer with me. I must be aware of my children’s motivation for salvation. Only a person who realizes his or her heart is sinful and need of a Savior to rescue from SIN is one able to be saved.

“As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” II Corinthians 7:9-10

As a result of my salvation from SIN, I am spared the eternal punishment of hell. That is ONLY because Someone Else took on my sin and received the punishment for my sin. “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” II Corinthians 5:21.

Charles Spurgeon, in his profound sermon “Mistaken Notions About Repentance No. 2743” published online by Spurgeon Gems, a ministry of Eternal Life Ministries, stated:

“But a sense of God’s wrath against sin is not repentance! It generally goes with it, it frequently attends it—but repentance is a change of mind with regard to sin—with regard to everything and it is a consciousness that sin is sin—that you have committed it. It is a sorrow to you that you have committed it and a resolve, in God’s strength, that you will escape from it—a holy desire and longing to be rid of sin which has done you so much mischief. “

It is essential that my children do not confuse hell with sin, as they come to an understanding of the gospel. Sin is my rebellion against God, hell is simply the punishment for my rebellion. If I overemphasize hell or God’s wrath to my children, I put them in danger of false salvation. My daughter could pray, asking Jesus to forgive her sins, only because they are scared to go to hell when she dies. That would be a very damaging prayer. Clinging to that prayer, rather than God’s grace, would lead her down a life-long sinful path with assumed eternal safety.

Last week, four-year-old daughter, Amber, told me: “I don’t want to be a sinner anymore.” That led to an amazing discussion. Later that week, she told me she had asked Jesus to forgive her. She wasn’t scared of hell, she didn’t want to go to heaven when she died. She simply “didn’t want to be a sinner anymore.” and Jesus was the only way that could happen. I rejoice in her simple, growing faith.

Pat phrases like, “the only way you are going to heaven is to ask Jesus to forgive you” or “Do you know where you are going to spend eternity?” are dangerous. A person cannot truly be saved if they simply want to go to heaven. Wanting to go to heaven, is not being sorry for sin. Wanting to go to heaven, is not wanting to be free from the rule of sin. Wanting to go to heaven, and not wanting to go to hell is not repentance. Not repenting, leads to death. That is not the gospel. There is no salvation if a person is fearful of hell, but not repentant of sins.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23. Sin is our true enemy. Sin is what causes death and hell. Sin should be my focus in speaking of the gospel. My child must be grieved in her heart over her sin. Only in desperation for redemption from sin, can Christ become the ONLY source for freedom and forgiveness from sin. And to think, after granting us that freedom, He will also grant us eternity with Him as His very own child! How utterly incomprehensibly amazing!

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” Romans 5:8-11

My concern is that fear would be the motivation for my child to want salvation. So that is why I veer away from discussing heaven or hell in depth with my children before they clearly understand that they are a sinner. I want them to truly see themselves as sinners and want Christ to free them from their sin and forgive them, with little regard to what happens after life.

So what do I tell them? We have been to funerals and talked about death and what happens after death. We have discussed what happens to those who don’t know Jesus when they die. I don’t go into depth. I simply let my children know that after death, a believer is with Jesus. Isn’t that heaven?

“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” II Corinthians 5:6-8

“I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” Philippians 1:23

I also let my children know the opposite is true for those who don’t know Christ. If a person who does not love Jesus dies, they will never be with Jesus. “They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,” II Thessalonians 1:9

Salvation is a true marvel. I never tire of the beautiful gospel message. I love talking about the depths of the gospel, God’s grace, and His glory. I belong to Christ, redeemed by His blood for His glory—-forever.