Since my childhood, I have had a passion for home-making. I cultivated home-making skills in my high school years and went on to get a degree in Family and Consumer Sciences, which helped me become professional in the field of home-making. I went on from there to obtain a Masters Degree in elementary education which pairs beautifully as I home-school our four children. I am also a Christian. All of what I think and do is based on the doctrine that I was created to eternally glorify and enjoy God. That thesis, is the foundation of all my decisions as a wife, mother, and home-maker.
Yesterday, my girls pulled out Legos and were spread out on the dining room table all afternoon. I heard them making up stories, integrating with each other’s surprising plot lines with ease, and letting their imaginations run wild. I heard happy chatter as they came up with ideas for their Legoland and cultivated a comradeship, teamwork skills and communication skills with each other.
As my children played, they were learning and practicing how to communicate, created ideas, roll with changes, create solutions to problems, keep peace with each other, compromise, build long-term attention, and work with their hands to build and create what their minds imagined.
We had spent the morning doing our school lessons, but could not teach any of that in a classroom setting. And if I had organized their play, I would have been in the way of their mental development. What my girls practiced and learned all afternoon was invaluable to their life…arguably more important that whether that list of spelling words we will have to re-visit next week.
Yes, The dining room was a mess all day, and still is today as they want to continue developing their world. But I embrace nearly any reasonable mess as for my children’s play.
My children have built doll-houses with cardboard boxes that can be an unsightly mess in any room as they pull out their dolls and accessories to use in cardboard boxes.
The other day I came in to my son’s room to see books nearly covering the floor as he was using them for paths for his cars.
Blankets and sheets drape from wall to wall at times as my children make tents and houses for their play.
Our sofa cushions are frequently pulled off to use for walls for these imaginative houses.
We embrace play-doh, finger paint, kinetic sand, and all sorts of messy substances. We have found a lot of these messier toys at Goodwill…unopened…I know some mother did not want to deal with the mess and had moved the gift on.
My children delight themselves outside in the dirt, mud, and leaves. I love seeing them good and dirty, knowing that they have played well as children should.
There is no mess that cannot be cleaned up (Well almost no mess…we have had some haunt us for years…like glitter) But no matter the pick-up, the education my children get out of extravagant, messy play is so invaluable, I count our clean-up time an investment.
Now at this point, readers will probably feel my children run wild. But we do have boundaries to play that make it reasonable.
One of those guidelines is that before another activity happens, whatever has been going on get picked up. For instance, if my children are playing with sofa cushions and blankets in the living room and the neighbor’s drop over to play. There is no going out to play until the living room has been cleaned up. How many times we have had neighbors cheerfully chip in the clean-up so the children can play together.
Another guideline is that if you don’t want to pick it up, don’t get it out. My children need to pick up whatever they get out, but they also need to think about how long they have to play and if the word to prepare for play is worth the work to clean-up.
I do not help clean-up, but I do manage the process when needed. In our home, those who mess up are the ones who clean up. I feel this is an important life-skill. So no matter how tempted I am to quickly pick up something and put it away, I will walk by and call the child who got it out to put it away. When my children were really little I did help them, but I did not do it myself, they had to do their share. My child with autism would be unable to clean up a big mess, so I would teach her to pick up things by color. Find all the red things and put them away. Then find all the yellow things. She is now my fastest cleaner. It doesn’t faze her a bit, but she needed coaching to get there.
Scrambled eggs are a favorite of mine, but they move to a higher level of favorite when salsa and cheese are added. I try to get veggies in for breakfast every day, so this scrambled egg recipe is a great way to add them in. It is also easy and quick which is important as a mommy of four.
2-3 eggs
1/2 cup shredded cheddar
1/4 cup salsa (sugar free in a can or home-made)
1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt (I use non-fat, but any is fine)
His big sisters were playing with dolls and well into their fun when my little fellow woke up from his afternoon nap.
“Mommy, I have nothing to do.” I knew those words were code for feelings he did not know how to express. He was lonely and wanting a playmate.
Loneliness is familiar to everyone on this planet. We have all experienced becoming a growing epidemic in our culture. I know we would like to point our finger to blame social distancing or technology for the surge in loneliness, but the truth is loneliness has always been among us. It isn’t about whether one is married or single, on Facebook or not, healthy or sick, rich or poor, or any particular circumstance. Loneliness can accompany anyone, at any season in life.
A little child can be lonely as he or she navigates his place in his home.
A teen can feel lonely as he or she wrestles with changes within and in his or her life.
A young bride can feel incredibly lonely as she navigates her first years of marriage.
Young mother’s feel lonely as they wrestle through the challenges of their world being consumed by little cries and little voices.
A mother can feel lonely and lost after her last child moves from the home.
Divorce, singleness, death, and crisis’ in life make people feel very much alone.
Loneliness is not about companionship. A person can be in a group of other people and still feel lonely. A wife can be in a wonderful marriage and still feel lonely. If a person feels that he or she is not seen or heard will feel lonely.
I have noticed three different causes of loneliness.
1. A person becomes lonely when he or she feels like no one understands.
2. A person will feel lonely when she or he is not truly listened to.
3. A person feels lonely when he or she feel unnoticed, unseen, and invisible.
Sometimes just one of those reasons can be present. For some folks, all of those reasons can be combined to cause loneliness.
Life can present each person moments of internal solitude for various reasons. And it is important to note that what might make one person feel lonely, may not be an issue at all to another person. We are all different and it is good to keep that in mind when we do not understand why someone is lonely.
If we take time to consider it, we all have struggles, do struggle, and will struggle with seasons of loneliness.
As believers, it is important we can look out for each other during these seasons. Some friends may have times that last a long while or become permanent fixtures of loneliness. For others, loneliness comes and goes throughout various seasons.
Loneliness has accompanied my soul through various seasons of life. Having experienced loneliness myself, I have learned to recognize some clues in the hearts of someone else who is lonely.
My mother was good at teaching me from a young age to love lonely people. Some mothers tend to only plan visits to people who have children their own age. Although I have many memories with friends, I also have a lot of memories visiting older couples as we grew. We often would visit with widows and widowers, older couples, and those with no family. We even had some single friends live with us as they went through difficult seasons.
I too, now include a variety of ages in my children’s life. I find those relationships to be so symbiotic. Lonely people often are cheered more by my children than by me. And relationships with lonely people are an amazing training ground for my children to learn to think of other people.
Just like my mom did, I will give a synopsis of our friend before we go so my children know that person’s story. It helps my children to know how to interact with that person, and also helps them to behave well.
I might say something like this: “Mrs. Doodle’s husband died one year ago, and yesterday she just found out that she has something bad growing in her body. So we are going to take her dinner a some flowers today.” I try to make sure my children understand the seriousness and value of our visit. Generally each one of them will express compassion in some form like writing a note or giving a hug.
Just as my mother included her children in the time she spent with the lonely, my mother also taught me to recognize the symptoms of loneliness in people. I will never forget going with my mother to visit my great aunt. She was a widow and in her eighties. We spent the weekend with her. She wasn’t the same person I remembered visiting as a child. She talked without ceasing and seemed a easily agitated. When going home, I complained to my mother about my aunt. My mother’s response was simple. “She is lonely.” Then my Aunt’s behavior made complete sense. And I felt sorry for my frustration with her. I still am able to recognize symptoms of loneliness in people as a result of that visit to my Great Aunt.
Symptoms of Loneliness:
Lonely people talk…a lot. Lonely people seem unconscious of another person’s time. They seem unconscious how many times a conversation has been ended and restarted. Lonely people are simply happy to linger in conversations. I have had phone conversations that lingered on and on, even as the person on the other end of the line acknowledges that they need to let me go. We had a sweet neighbor a few years ago who lived alone in her eighties. She never let us just “stop in” every visit was a sit down visit, then a tour of the stuff around the house, then she prattled on and on, and often sent us home with little trinkets or some sweets. Our sweet neighbor was lonely and just happy to have someone to listen to her.
Lonely people can be persnickety. I find the critical spirit behind a person who is lonely to be a great clue into that person’s heart. I have found that generally sweet people can become cranky if they find themselves lonely. I think of the Johanna Spyre Classic story “Heidi” and how cranky and persnickety the grandfather was before Heidi showed up into his life. He was riddled with loneliness until her companionship entered his world. No one liked him. I have seen normally cranky people soften as they are listened to, noticed, or feel understood.
Lonely people find comfort in things. We had a dear Sunday School teacher, Miss K, who lived with her mother until her mother passed. After her mother’s death, Miss K, began collecting things. Things upon things lined her small house until she was forced to move out for her safety. She was lonely. She found momentary comfort in the presence of things and so she held onto things. Lonely people can be incredible sentimental, keepers of stuff, and shopaholics. What little old widow doesn’t have her house decked out with sentiment and stuff? She is lonely, and keeping stuff reminds her of those who give or gave her respite from loneliness. In a way, she holds onto people by holding onto their photographs and their stuff.
It is normal to feel lonely. And it is okay to feel lonely. In fact ones loneliness can be a springboard to various ministry to others. I have several dear friends struggling with loneliness, but they use their loneliness as an avenue of understanding others pain, of being their for others, of providing counsel, love, and prayer.
Ministering to lowly people is truly a life-long endeavor. But it is also the backbone of how our faith in God is displayed, as we provide, without grudging, our time and resources to include, bless, and encourage those who are alone. James 1: 27 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
I was introduced to Ramen noodles in college and although, I no longer crave them, my children occasionally enjoy a bowl on occasion. Most Ramen noodles are not know to be healthy. They contain wheat in the noodles, which is a common sensitivity and allergen. Packs of Ramen, also are high in sodium, non-food ingredients, and even can have MSG, which is safest to avoid.
I recently began purchasing Lotus Foods Organic Rice Ramen Noodles. I use the Forbidden, Millet and Rice, and Jade Pearl noodles. I cook them in my own chicken stock and add a variety of proteins or veggies.
Here is a basic recipe that I might throw together for lunch:
Ingredients
soup:
1 Ramen Noodle Cake
1 &1/2 cup finely chopped veggies (carrots, celery, squash, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower…really whatever you have in the fridge-though I personally would not use beets or potatoes). I like color, so choose veggies of different colors if I can.
1 T. chopped red onion or scallion
2 cups chicken broth/stock (home-made or store bought)
1 c. protein: chopped cooked chicken, pork, or fish are best with chicken broth (if using beef, I like to use beef broth instead of chicken stock)
seasoning:
1/2 cup sesame seed oil
1/4 cup soy sauce (I like to use gluten free kinds)
2 t. garlic powder
1 T. ground ginger
Instructions:
Cook broth with noodles and vegetables and meat until noodles are tender (about 5 minutes boiling)
Mix sauce ingredients together and mix into soup once cooked
Serve hot-can sprinkle with sesame seeds or fresh chopped cilantro
My source of truth is the Scripture. The Bible, is a book. If I am not a good reader, if I don’t enjoying the process of reading, or if my comprehension skills or poor, reading the Bible could be a difficult or confusing task.
I have come across many a person who struggles with loving reading the Bible, because he or she does struggles through the process of reading.
Learning to love reading comes naturally to a lot of children, but there are some children and I have two in my home, who have wrestled developing a love for reading. One of my daughters was just diagnosed with dyslexia and the other has autism. So, learning has come at a struggle for both of them. Some children just never develop a love for reading because of the home culture or school culture they were given as children.
If reading is not valued at home, one cannot expect children to learn to love it. If reading is only relegated to the formal learning environment it can often be only seen as schoolwork, and not a lifestyle.
I was one of those mothers who read to my children before they were born. I read to them before they knew what a book was. I read to them at breakfast, lunch, and bedtime. I am not saying that these reading times were without fail, but reading to my children has been a habit that has sometimes been paused due to various life circumstance such as new baby or moving, but picked back up with ease when time availed me again. Before we had a school budget, I had no money for our own books. I made regular trips to the library with my children. We made good use of library story times and librarians when my children were really young.
Although we still make regular trips to the library, I have taken time in the past five to six years to add to our home library.
I also chose a method of education, Charlotte Mason, that relies heavily on good literature, rather than textbooks for education. We have read so many good books for school, that even my love of books has grown through teaching my children with the backbone of good literature.
There are so many mothers who are book enthusiasts and have written books on books. There are you-tube channels and blogs that value reading at home and have tips and methods of developing good readers. So, my thoughts on the subject are nothing new, but I am going to mention what I have done to building a love for reading in our home. I will note, that this is certainly an ongoing process in our home, since we have a couple readers that struggle and although they readily agree to be read too, they will not generally chose to sit and read a book.
Here are some basic thoughts I had about what we did.
Our Example. My husband is dyslexic, and never received help in that area, so he really wrestles with reading a book, but throughout the past eight years, he has gone back to college for two degrees. And that has provided our children plenty of opportunity to see him with a book. I have books I am reading all over the house and am aways reading.
Reading Aloud. As mentioned earlier, both my husband and I have read to our children, even before birth. We still read to them, but this is usually done by me since I am our children’s primary teacher and am with them all day. I read to them constantly for school. Since my children are of different ages and interests, I started taking turns with each child and reading for thirty-forty minutes each day after lunch. That way, the child gets snuggling time alone with mommy, as well as a book I have carefully chosen for him or her.
Availability of books. We have not always had the income for adding books to our library, but we did spend time at the library at least once a week and always brought piles of books home. As I build our home library, I am careful to keep a lot of variety as well as titles and series that are created by the best illustrators and authors. Generally we find old books and classics on our shelves, but I do have some newer books as I discover them as well. I consider good books a great investment for my children and for future generations.
Learning about books. I read books about reading and books about books. My mother-in-law gifted me Gladys Hunt’s book: Honey for a Child’s Heart shortly after our first child was born. Since then I have added Book Girl by Sarah Clarkson, Read for the Heart by Sarah Clarkson, Steeped in Stories by Mitali Perkins, and Honey for a Teens Heart also by Gladys Hunt. I read blogs about books and try to find some of the best versions of books so my children will experience books being beautiful and rich in color and text.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Both my husband and I get excited about books. When my children read a book, we let them know our interests to hear about the story they are reading. I talk with other mothers about books and my children see those conversations are full of interest and excitement. I am greatly encouraged when my children join in those conversations and pull out some of their favorite books…even school books…and talk about them with enthusiasm too. When we get books in the mail, I get excited and all the children gather around to see what new adventures await.
Reading is a way of life. Reading is woven into our lives. There is not a day that passes that my children have not read or been read too. It is not associated only with school, but with life. We just read. Because books are laying around in our house, it is easy for me to grab something close and read it to the children while they eat lunch. Sometimes, I have a book we are working through, like our current lunch reading Never Give In, the Story of Winston Churchill. While we are on vacation from school, I just pick up whatever we have around. Often a picture book from the library or a light children’s story. My children listen to audio books while playing a game on a tablet or computer. (Listening to audio-books is a great way to instill a love for books, for those who struggle with reading).
Associate reading wonderful things. We snuggle and read. We read while we eat. We read by the fire. We read snuggled in bed. We read outdoors on a sunny day. We read at the park. We read while having tea and cookies. Now we don’t just read while enjoying the comforts of life, but I do make appoint to create a pleasant experience based around our reading times.
As grocery prices have gone up, canned fish has become a far more affordable option for our family than fresh or frozen fillets of fish. I keep cans of wild-caught Salmon in my cupboard for a healthy, quick meal. My salmon patties work well with roasted vegetables, rice, or my “3 can meal” go to: canned green beans, canned peaches, and canned salmon.
Ingredients:
1 can salmon
Everything Bagel Seasoning
2 eggs
Mix the salmon with skin and bones with 2 eggs and about 2 tablespoons of everything bagel seasoning. Drop by spoonfuls into frying pan and cook each side for about 3 minutes until golden.
Serve hot with veggies.
Salmon with bones and skin is incredibly nutritious and is a great source of calcium and minerals, as well as DHA.
We all need rest. Rest is a biblical concept. We are approaching our two week fall break for school, and I thought it would just be the children who needed a reprieve from school, but it turns out that I feel I have benefited the most from our little respite.
Rest is a powerful source of energy and renewal for our bodies and souls. As I have raised our four little souls, I have learned from experience the power of giving others time to rest and taking time to rest myself.
Most mothers easily recognize the signs of a tired child. Children rub their eyes, cry, seem easily agitated, and become altogether impossible to manage when they are tired. Little people have bodies that are constantly changing, growing and learning. With such busyness as a child possesses, much more essential is his or her need for rest.
Every mother easily recognized the signs of weariness in her children. A grumpy, exasperated, unmanageable, child can often be transformed through the power of a nap. Sometimes a child simply has too much stimulation like a long trips from home, being around lots of people, stepping out of his or her routine, or illness and simply needs a bit of quiet time, even if a nap doesn’t happen.
Just as ignoring the need for my own children’s rest has brought no peace to me or my child, so ignoring the symptoms of my own need for rest only allows my soul to build in its turmoil.
How often we can see the exhaustion in our children but fail to recognize the signs in our own lives. Or if we know we need a rest, we refuse to take that needed time to give ourselves space.
I would really like to explore the topic of rest. What it looks like when we don’t take time to rest, why we don’t allow ourselves to rest, what rest looks like, are important to discuss, but so is our need for applying what we know about our need for rest and building that space into our days.
Recognizing the need for rest:
I so often ignore the signs that my body needs a rest from something or from the daily grind of life.
Being irritable or easily agitated are the first clues that I need rest. I haven’t changed much since my toddler days. If I am grumpy, a nap can do wonders for my attitude. If I am finding my emotions difficult to control, I need to recognize that I very well may need to stop and take a break from something or get a nap in my day.
No Joy in the things that once brought joy. Some people may see lack of joy as depression. But lack of joy can be complete and utter exhaustion as well. So many care-givers, mothers, elderly folks, and those with ongoing illness need more rest in their particular season of life than they might have needed in the past. People who are in grief can also need extra rest. As can people who are in a life crisis. I have seen complete exhaustion swallow up many a merry heart.
Physically tired and lack of energy. This is the obvious sign of tiredness that we all recognize. We simply feel tired. We know we are tired. Our head hurts, our body doesn’t want to move. We have trouble getting out out words.
Why we Don’t rest:
Ok, so we can recognize when we are tired. Many of us do not see a way to give ourselves a needed respite.
Pride is often at the root of our ignoring of rest. We think we can power through and that we are strong enough to keep pressing on. We think if we take the time to rest, the world will come tumbling down around us. (Yes we are THAT important.) We think that we will fall behind if we take a break and what will other people say or think of us then?
There is really no time to rest. This is an actual crisis. I am not going to try to find rest in days that have none. Or give hope to people who have no time to rest. Full-time care-givers and parents with babies, people pacing the floors with grief and turmoil in their souls, or those who have inescapable physical conditions that prevent sleep…like menopause. Sometimes rest simply cannot be had despite our best efforts to carve it into our lives. I cannot offer options where there are none, but I will say, Matthew 11:28 was written for those with greatly troubled hearts and in need of rest (all of us) as Jesus tells us: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Resting in Christ is our primary source of true rest whether we can take the time physically or not.
What rest looks like:
Restful activities bring the soul space to think. What gives me rest is different than what might bring my neighbor next door rest. I enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend, writing out my thoughts, a walk in the woods, a book by the fire, a canvas and paints, and sometimes quiet music and sleep. Rest is a wholesome activity that re-centers my heart and soul on its God given purpose. For another person rest means climbing a mountain and going camping, or running a marathon, cleaning windows, or spending a weekend alone.
Rest is worship. The activities I engage in during rest are not busy helps my heart focus on truth, God’s purpose for me, and worship. This is a very important thing to note. Anything that distracts me from spending my rest on reflection and focusing on Christ are not providing my soul with true rest. Spending time reading Scripture ought to be a large part of our restful moments. Sleep can also be a benefit, if I find I am tired and my weary body is preventing my soul from being able to rest.
I am going to take a moment to explain this a little more. Our minds are so full of input. It comes from things we watch and hear. Input is often by our own choice, but sometimes it is unasked. In any case, adding to that input with anything but what turns our hearts to Christ, is not providing our souls with true rest. If I binge watch Netflix during my time of rest, I have not rested. I have added to by already busy and overwhelmed mind more things to consider. Rest comes from Christ as we read in Matthew 11:28. Quiet is very helpful for us to help our souls find stillness in Christ. But, an edifying conversation with a friend can be of use. So can just being alone with the Lord and our thoughts while we are busy with our hands can be a good use of our rest. Journaling and writing can also help organize our thoughts. I have a friend who would randomly take a day off work to “do laundry.” What she meant by that, was that she would take a day off to sort her thoughts and bring them into the light of truth. Such thinking is essential. Rest is really giving ourselves time to self-counsel. Bringing our false thoughts to light and and reminding ourselves of truth won’t happen unless we take time to do it.
How to rest:
Plan the Time: One thing I have also learned, is that rest will not happen naturally…on its own. If I am given free time, it is used for fellowship, housework, phone calls, doctor appointments, and anything else that needs doing while I have the time. I do not believe that is unusual.
So, rest must be scheduled into our lives, just like everything else. And that time of rest must be guarded like a doctor appointment or visit to Grandpa’s for Christmas.
Daily Rest: When my children were small, I gave them a quiet time. When they turned five, they could graduate from that time, but until then, sleep or not, each child spent and hour and a half alone each afternoon. Children really need their own space, just like we adults do. Little one do not see their need for it, but I noticed my children were so much more calm, at peace, and easy to be with if they were given a regular space to play quietly alone each day. I had some children that always fell asleep and others who needed less sleep, but they all needed that personal space each day. I also found that time alone was essential for me too. Sometimes that quiet time it meant a nap for me. There were other times, I invited another lady (without young children) over for tea and we could visit in peace (something that never happens for most young moms), I also found time to read Scripture and pray or journal during those much needed moments of silence. I no longer have rest time each day, but I rise early. That is the space I have to create during this season of life to rest.
Seasonal Rest: We are just finishing our two weeks of fall break from school and I am finding that the break was much needed. I am remembering what it is like to just be “mom” to take non-school adventures with my children and to arrange play-dates with friends. I am remembering why we are home-schooling and the preciousness of my children. I am having time to write, read, and study Scripture. I feel refocused for our next term of school and am ready to jump back in with renewed focus and vigor. Sometimes taking a rest means an arranged break from an ongoing situation, like a job, a routine, or a ministry. These breaks are not “quitting.” They are patterned with every intention of re-focusing and getting back into it. These breaks are also not breaks from what God requires of us. We don’t take breaks from faithfully gathering with other believers and church, we don’t take breaks from loving others, we don’t take breaks from Bible reading and prayer (sadly, this is often the case during what we Americans call “vacation.”) we don’t take breaks from our marriage, we don’t take breaks from being wife, mom, or daughter. We only take breaks from the extra-obligations we are called to do.
Healing Rest: This is a very special kind of rest that follows life-changes, loss, trauma, or even a rest recommended by someone like a husband who sees the need of it in his wife. We tend to power through so often that we do not allow ourselves to Biblically process what has happened in our lives. We need to give ourselves time to grieve, time to adjust, time to think about changes in our lives in a Biblical way. If we do not, it is far too easy for lies from our heart or the world around us to take a foothold in our pain and cause us to loose faith. We need to give ourselves time to read the Bible, talk with a friend, see a counselor, journal, create music, walk and let our hearts naturally unwind and settle into Biblical truth.
May we all peruse the true rest as our Savior gently bids us: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mt. 11:28-30.
The family had just left and we looked around our home. I love children and I love the noise of their chatter and the dirty little smudges they leave behind. But this experience with children had been different.
There were dirty boot prints all over my freshly cleaned carpet, leftover plates with half filled drinks left beside them on floors and tables and chairs, and something that looked like smeared frosting on one spot of the carpet. That was just one room. As I surveyed the scene, the entire house showed signs of a hoard of children passing through…toys were all over the children’s bedrooms, paper and crayons left on tables…We had only had three children and their mother over. I sighed, the mess was nothing compared to the frustrating conversation I had attempted to have with the children’s exhausted, and frazzled mother.
What I had gathered from her, was that she felt that we were raising our children the same way. She felt I was just as weary as she. She thought what she was experiencing in motherhood was normal. Due to the inordinate interruptions from children and her constant appeasing of her toddler, we never got to the part of the conversation where I could tell her that her expectations of her children and her expectations of motherhood were far too low, and that she could experience joy and peace as a mother instead of struggling through each day to survive.
I groaned inwardly as this dear mother expressed her desire to meet up again soon. I knew her soul was starved for fellowship and that she desired to have an uninterrupted conversation. But I also knew, that I had no desire to develop a friendship with her simply because her children were so difficult to have around.
Let me ask my readers, is this a mother one you know? Are you possibly this mother yourself?
Let me begin by giving hope. If you know a mother who is in need of fellowship, but is a burden be around simply because of her children, here are some tips I have implemented to build a friendship with her. The goal is not only to provide a weary should with fellowship, but to possibly give her hope that motherhood can be so much more than what she experiences.
I have quite a few friends whose children fall into the rowdy and unruly category. It is easy to simply choose not to develop a friendship, and I must admit that has often been my fallback, but as my children mature and as age has brought experience and wisdom to my soul, I find there is a way to peruse friendships with struggling mothers in a way that is a benefit for both of us.
Pray and Show Grace and reach out on occasion. It is easy to block out families with unpleasant children out of our lives. We can even try to make it sound righteous, like, “Those kids will influence my children to be naughty.” Honestly, if anything, children who are well managed, will find the other children difficult to play with and their behavior shocking and frustrating rather than joining in. If my child chooses to join in (usually the boys not girls) I can use it as a moment to instruct him otherwise in front of the floundering mother and often that gets her to think a little more about why her kids do what they do. In any case, I do still try to build a relationship with certain mom’s because they need it; not because I need it.
Rule your home. Even though other people and parents might be visiting with their children. My home is ruled “my way.” I have no qualms entering a room and telling a group of children that “we don’t do that in this house.” Or “In our home, we clean up when we finish playing with one thing.” Or “I am sorry, but we are not playing with that today.” My son loves playing with kinetic sand. For him and his siblings, the mess stays contained to where I allow. He is not allowed to play with that sand with anyone but siblings. So when we have guests, even our well-mannered ones, the sand never comes out.
Meet up at parks and museums, not in a home. This provides time for casual conversation while little ones are interested in new things. It also eliminates the need to clean up. I want my children to love hospitality and not dread the cleanup after each visit. There have been times they have groaned…”Oh no! Those people again.” Although, such friends can be tools to help my children develop grace and gratitude, I try to keep those occasions few for my children’s sake. I am a busy mom too and have enough clean-up in our home from my own family, to add another family’s hurricane into my week can be stress I do not need either. A park or indoor play-place also enables me to take my leave when I feel it is time instead of hoping a mother, whose children have overstayed their welcome, won’t continue to stay and try to have a conversation that will never happen.
Meet at the other Mom’s Home. This is a great way to give yourself space to leave a house if you need, but also puts the weight of hospitality on the other mother and gives you opportunity to ensure that you show her by example how to get your children to pick up before they leave and tell the hostess “thank you.” I have often been somewhere to visit and either been asked “how do you get your children to behave so well?” or if the mother comes to our house, she may require more of her children the next visit. Some mothers just don’t know how to make their children behave and have to see you do it first.
Introduce your needy mother to other ladies. To be the only friend a mother has is no place for anyone. Mothers need lots of friends, so arrange play-dates with a couple moms at a time and try to help friends build friendships that can continue without you. I have done this often, and some of those friends will still get together with each other.
Use other’s kids poor behavior as a teaching tool. My children love to tell me how disobedient other kids are. Things that are said, or done are often reported by “good” children, this includes sibling and friends. I have had so many wonderful conversations with my children about things other children have said or done and the consequences that brings. How many times my children have asked if I had a good visit, and I can tell them that is was not because of the little one who continued to bother his mommy. I cannot begin to tell how many times my children’s eyes are blind to their own rudeness or fussiness, but once they have seen it on someone else, they see it for what it is in themselves.
I love being a stay-at-home Mom, home-maker, home-school teacher, and have the flexibility to minister to those in church and in the neighborhood.
As one can imagine, the current escalation of the price of food and gas in particular has really put a crimp in our budget. But this is not the first time we have experienced stained finances. When we were fist married and as our children were really little, we lived paycheck to paycheck and found ourselves in a good bit of debt when a large, unexpected expense, like a new baby, popped into our lives.
It has been a blessing to my husband that I have had skills, that I can use to help our lives financially stabilize. As newlyweds, I worked outside the home in a sewing shop. Then, I got a job in an alterations shop and home-schooled four teen girls for a few years. After our children were born, I was able to transition to staying at home with my little ones and take in sewing or teach sewing lessons from home.
Having a skill I could use from the home, not only saved us money personally as I could do our own mending and alterations, as well as transition fabric and sheets into clothing and window treatments, but I could increase our income for needed seasons.
I find our lives once again in need of a little more income. Without leaving the home, I have a skill I can teach to others in my home, or, thanks to the internet, teach online! I cannot say enough for the woman who has at least one skill she can use to earn money.
I have no quarrel with a woman who works outside the home, full or part time, but for me, I value being home and it is my place of ministry. I strive to keep myself centered around the home and all I do is to the benefit of the home.
As we read about lady wisdom in Proverbs 31, work outside the home is very much a part of a wise woman’s life. In fact, the book of Proverbs is peppered with the value of gaining education and working hard. If there is more we can do, we have every liberty to do so.
My career is home-making. I take it very seriously and professionally. Whatever it takes for me to continue being home, I will pursue. Home is my calling and primary ministry. As I have described in Ministering through the Senses of the Home and Sharing Meals with Others, as well as many other posts in the past, I truly see the home as an amazing tool for the gospel and ministering to believers. I want to wield it faithfully, and am unable to do that if my pursuits are elsewhere.
With all of that noted, I am finding that having a skill or two I can use in the home and earn a little income from has been invaluable. I strongly encourage everyone, not just girls to learn a trade and refine a skill that one enjoys and that can be taught and used for income if ever needed.
For me, education and sewing have been very useful skills. This summer, I am opening my home to teach sewing lessons. The income will bless our family, but the skills I am passing on will be invaluable to others as well.
Thousands of other skills exist, photography, cake decorating, graphic design, ceramics, artistic painting, cosmetology, music, special needs tutoring, creative writing…well, in all honesty, with the invention of internet, almost anything can be done from the home!
That is great news for us home-makers who find our hearts desire is rooted in the ministry of the home. The point is that we take the time to learn and polish a skill we love doing. For it can be put into good use for such times as this.
I was about twelve when I read Mrs. Kauffman’s semi-biographical novel, Hidden Rainbow for the first time. My heart was moved by the story of young Anna and her sweet husband John, as they became believers and as they grew from the works based religion into a life filled with grace by faith. I watched John and Anna endure painful persecution when they left the Catholic church. Once John and Anna trusted Christ for their salvation.
The Kauffman’s Anabaptist history comes through beautifully in the Hidden Rainbow. Her understanding of grace by faith alone, pours out onto each page as she outlines the struggles of Anna and John Olesh in their attempt to separate from the Catholic faith in former Yugoslavia.
It is not strange that one book can have a deep impact on the soul of a person, but that is what Hidden Rainbow became to me. I have read Hidden Rainbow multiple times since then, but have found that it is a story that has enveloped my life in so many ways.
From the book Hidden Rainbow, my heart learned to beat fast, yearning for the salvation of those in countries closed to the light of Christ. Even today, I beg the Lord to set free captive hearts in such countries where the preaching of the gospel is not allowed.
Seeing the vigilance of a mother under persecution for her faith, I also pray for the strength of believers living in countries where they are not free to read Scripture and worship God. And for the hearts of the precious children of persecuted believers, seeing the forceful pull of government and worshipers of false gods, who sometimes even separate children from Christian parents.
Hidden Rainbow also gave me a perspective of how straight and narrow the path of grace alone is. The path of grace is unmeldable with any other course. No one can purchase a soul with money. No freedom from sin is found in baptism. No prayer, no birthright, no act of another can secure our souls in Christ.
In our American culture, the melding of grace and works is exceedingly prominent among many people who hold dearly to a prayer they said as a child or a life full of religious habits-including Bible reading, prayer, and church. Faithfulness to God does not save our souls.
People are constantly attempting to attach grace to works. It is a futile attempt as grace and works cannot be forced together in any method. The early church of Galatia attempted to blend works and faith and received a pointed letter from Paul.
“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—” Gal 1:6
The only true gospel is dependence on God alone for the redemption of one’s soul and the journey of its sanctification. The false gospel is nothing more than a dependence on one’s self. Trust in grace alone cannot be combined and remain grace alone.
As I journey with Anna and John in their tear filled journey of persecution by the Catholic church, I see their dependency on God strengthened. I see the divide deepened as Anna and John are refused work and John must flee to America to help support his family.
As I see in this book the devotion and commitment of marriage spans oceans. There were no cell-phones or messenger apps to aid John and Anna in their connection. They did not even have a photograph to send with each other. They were committed to each other in a doubtless, unquestioning, and supportive way that few modern marriages understand.
Left with the children in Yogoalavia, Anna stands before a judge for refusing to baptize her infants. Anna is persecuted by her village as they refuse to let her purchase food out of fear of being associated with her. Anna and John’s family beg them to repent and turn back to Catholicism, grieving that John and Anna no longer submit to the Catholic church and will be doomed to hell.
The gospel is not a uniting truth, but a dividing truth. As Anna struggles to keep her family together, the rift between her, and her extended family becomes deeper, until she is separated from her home by an ocean.
Hidden rainbow is certsinly a book that has stuck to my ribs throughout the years as I my life has encountered some of the challenges John and Anna faced. It gives the heart courage to face what has already been faced and persevered by others.
